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Bipolar 1 schizophrenia and psychopathic tendencies

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Bipolar 1 schizophrenia and psychopathic tendencies

Postby RaisedInHell » Mon Dec 23, 2019 2:58 pm

I am not 100% sure on if I have schizoaffective or bipolar and schizophrenia. My official diagnosis is bipolar 1 schizophrenia and psychopathic tendencies (which I believe I’m not allowed to talk about?)

Was wondering if anyone could help me figure out whether I have schizoaffective or both. I am always paranoid not a single day goes by when I’m not paranoid, with meds (I take olanzapine 20mg, diazepam 5mg diazepam 2mg clonazepam 0.5mg lamotrogene 100mg mirtazapine 15mg and zopiclone 7.5mg) I don’t go go out much as I don’t really like people I go out when necessary though. With meds I still see things on a daily basis usually mild things like spiders blood but on a bad day I see things like grim reapers. I hear voices one is friendly the rest are not I hear these even with meds. I also have bipolar episodes during which I’m either severely depressed known to become catatonic and I feel empty. Then I have manic episodes usually lasting 3 months or more I get severely hyper sexual and suffer hyper rage. I speak to god on manic episodes yet when free of bipolar symptoms I become frightened of the government so my psychosis changes depending on my mood state. I was here a active member but my ex figured out my name and was posting personal information about me on my posts don’t like the idea that he can read my posts so made a new account.

I struggle mostly with paranoia I do not like being touched and the close friends and family that know me know I don’t like being touched and even those I do allow to touch me wait for me to initiate contact, I do not like eye contact as I feel like people are trying to read my emotions and I dislike people being able to tell what I think or feel as I believe that just hands a person weapons to hurt you and even the nicest of people can turn very evil when you are no longer useful to them, or when you decide to step out of the box people have put you in.

I party hard and anyone who is at my house when I have friends over all say I’m the funnest person I know, I only have people over one night a week I have a extreme tolerance for pain to the point I’ve frequently ignored serious pain and ended up in a severely poor condition and needed severe medical intervention. I don’t mean to I just don’t realize I’m in enough pain to require hospital plus I don’t like doctors they make me very paranoid so I won’t go unless I feel it’s very necessary.

Anyway just a small introduction so hi guys hopefully I can both receive and offer support here. Thanks for reading.
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Re: Bipolar 1 schizophrenia and psychopathic tendencies

Postby OrbweaverLeads » Wed Jan 08, 2020 10:20 pm

Hello, it sounds like you've got insight into your mental illness & behaviours. Have you told all that to your psychiatrist & what diagnosis did you get?

I'm schizophrenic and borderline personality disorder. The only way to get that diagnosis was from a psychiatrist. I'm not a traditional schizophrenic in that I don't hear voices, see visual hallucinations or have delusions, though I'm psychotic pretty much all the time - I've learnt to just mask it & get along in society. I'm able to work now which is good.

I don't think I've ever had manic or depressed episodes, I'm just highly anxious all the time. If I have depression it's agitated depression which feels the same as anxiety anyway. My anti psychotics take my anxiety down a notch from terror to high anxiety which allows me to function more.

My mental illness is explained entirely by child abuse. All makes sense to me. Maybe there's your answer. Does RaisedInHell mean you were raised in hell child abuse or is that a reference to something else?

It sounds like you have several self-destructive behaviours. I'm middle-aged so these days I try to take very good care of my physical health. I hate doctors and blood tests and exercise but I do it all anyway. I don't know your age group but think it'd be good if you could take better care of your physical health.
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Re: Bipolar 1 schizophrenia and psychopathic tendencies

Postby RaisedInHell » Fri Feb 21, 2020 7:47 pm

Me and my pdoc are very open and he gave me the diagnosis I have of bipolar with schizophrenia and psychopathic tendencies. I manage to remain calm with anti psychotics but I am still very much psychotic I just learned to live with it. The raised in hell part comes from the fact that my dad would inject amphetamine, my mum was in and out of mental hospitals and I had a step dad for a year while my dad was in prison when I was 8 and he prostituted my body out for a lot of money.

Being honest although most of my voices are negative I love them as they got me through those moments of being sold for sex having something to distract me and now whenever I get anxious or frightened I just zone in to the voices and even though they are mostly nasty I am calm. I have manic episodes when I am completely uncontrollable and episodes of depression the psychopathic tendencies only come into play when I’m manic I will gladly hurt someone whom I feel deserves it although this is always directed towards rapists or peados as o feel they deserve it. But my psychiatrist said the way I feel no remorse or guilt or any feeling whatsoever other than cold satisfaction makes me have psychopathic tendencies.

I am also 32 and I have abused my body greatly so like you I am now trying to live healthier in order to live longer. Thank you for taking the time to reply.
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