Our partner

Got carried away with delusion about a guy

Schizophrenia message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: Tyler

Got carried away with delusion about a guy

Postby NoNameHere1 » Sun Aug 25, 2019 6:05 pm

I made an idiot of myself, I admit.
I have sza and bpd.

Bad combination.

My bpd caused me to idealize him and run a script/fantasy/delusion about him. I dissociated away into this fantasy about him because I've been so deprived and starved for love. So when he didn't react as I had anticipated, all of my defenses started to pile out.

I had to think of a plan to lure him in and humiliate him. This all took place online, by the way. I haven't seen him in real life for about 2 years. And I did complete what I set out to do and it was a big mess. I became consumed by him. The voices added to the delusion, my primal defenses went into overdrive, basically the past 6 months was me trying to pull myself out of this delusion and my idealization turned into hatred. And I had to figure out why I felt like this in the first place and why my patterns keep on repeating over and over.

I can keep feeding into this fantasy but I can't snap out of it either. I would never hurt him in real life, I was trying to manipulate him emotionally.
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
Posts: 5
Joined: Sun Aug 25, 2019 5:57 pm
Local time: Sun Nov 29, 2020 6:00 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Schizophrenia Forum

  • Related articles
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 11 guests