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Schizophrenia voices telling you they are real people

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Schizophrenia voices telling you they are real people

Postby Bkaeliltehr » Fri Jun 14, 2019 5:16 am

Hi everyone I just wanted to share my story and experience with schizophrenia to see if anyone can relate.

In May 2015 I had my first psychotic episode while I was at work. I was working as a barista and had little sleep the night before. I started to hear my roommates voice tell me he was going to kill me if I didn't pay the rent I owed the last month I lived with them. I didn't have the money and my roommates knew that I couldn't pay it. I started hearing their voices that morning and thought they were out to kill me because I didn't pay the rent. I worked in a hospital lobby espresso bar and as soon as I heard my roommates voice tell me he had a gun I freaked out and locked myself in a room in the hospital till the ambulance came and brought me to a different hospital. I was believing my roommates were telling me to pay the rent or I would die. I kept hallucinating and imagining my roommate with a gun ready to shoot me when he was no where near me that day. I was released from the hospital that night. The next morning I asked my roommates if that was him I was hearing and he started laughing and responded saying "no but I did have a doctor's appointment that day". Because he was laughing and couldn't keep a straight face when I asked him I was suspicious that he was responsible for the voice I heard in my head. I lived with two roommates who were brothers for 6 months while in college and never had any arguments with them. The day I had my episode I heard both of their voices playing with my mind about the unpaid rent. The voices were telling me that I was going to get arrested and the government was after me but I knew these voices sound a lot like my roommates and the voice told me it was my roommates too. I was lost and confused and stressed out from college so I failed that quarter.

A month later in June 2015 I had another mental breakdown. This one want as worse because my brain knew it was just my roommates voices. I was still hearing "pay the rent" "my brother is going to shoot you" "my brother shot your dad and mom" and I believed it because I still had no idea how I was heading these voices but I knew they were my roommates voices. I went to the hospital that day and was released that night. After this I started to hear them in my head more frequently during the night time before bedtime while we were all in the same apartment. It appeared as if they were doing nothing but I suspected they were reading my mind. Their voices kept asking me questions about my past sexual experiences in my head and that I needed to pay the rent because it would affect their credit scores. This was the first time I started to believe they could read my mind with some kind of software that is top secret. These roommates that I had are Christian and believe in Jesus as well as they knew I was Christian too. We all sat down one night before we all moved out at the end of June 2015 and I asked them if they could help me with my sexual addiction and they said they might have something that could help out but never actually specified or showed me what it was.

Another thing that made me believe they were reading my mind is we were all gathered in the living room, I was hallucinating their voices and they were telling me to pay the rent while staring directly at me and their mouths weren't moving. I didn't know what was going on so I left the apartment immediately and went to stay with family. Clearly they were communicating to me telepathically but I had no evidence that they were reading my mind and they wouldn't tell me with their mouths they were reading my brain. Their voices in my head told me they have software that could read my brain but I can't see how a computer could read the brain. For a while I believed this was the truth and listened to whatever the voices told me. Back then I thought they were gang stalking me for not paying the rent on time and because they didn't like that I had sex with multiple women inside of the apartment we all lived in. In my mind they were telling me "you're not a Christian you have had sex with a lot of people".

After moving out of that apartment with them I still heard their voices and was depressed for 3 months. Couldn't get out of bed. I was enrolled in community college and failed that while quarter because I couldn't get over the intensity of my voices. The way my voices was making me feel was very agitated most of the days and annoyed. At this point I want diagnosed with schizophrenia. I was diagnosed with adhd, sleep apnea, and migranes. The voices began to tell me "medication is a sin and that I would go to hell for taking drugs". I couldn't think this was a lie because the voices were controlling my thoughts and I finally threw away all the medication I had. The voices told me this is what Jesus wanted me to do. The voices of my now ex roommates also told me because their computer program was connected to my brain they could feel all of my feelings. I took adhd medication and the voices tried to prove to me that the medication didn't work because it just provides you with a feeling. I thought all of this was real and tried to get my family to believe it too.

One way I tried to relieve the voices was to buy some noise canceling headphones. I tried them and I could still hear the voices clearly. I can't see how this would be my ex roommates doing this to me because sometimes the voices are loud and sometimes quiet so they would need some way to turn it down and up if mind reading was real. If I can still hear the voices with my headphones on and turned all the way up its definitely not a computer program. No computer is that strong. It's just a really bad hallucination.

Fast forward to now a days in 2019 I still hear voices that still continue to tell me they are real and my ex roommates who are reading my brain. I continue to believe I am just hallucinating. I argue with the voices and tell them they aren't real and that my roommates are innocent. This helps me out because the voices have no way to change my beliefs.

I was just wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience to this type of schizophrenia or voices that you may hear.
Bkaeliltehr
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