by Zarka » Tue Nov 22, 2016 6:54 am
I've been suffering from this "thought broadcasting" issue for about 5 years now. It has been induced from my drug use and my 'friends' messing with my mind during drug uses. People will tell you that you're "delusional" or "schizophrenic". I don't think that is the case, because I have suffered from this yet any other delusions or schizophrenic tendencies. I think people may suffer from thought broadcasting and don't actually say anything, while it being in their head. I think there are some of us that suffer from this 'thought broadcasting' but it is actually a weird version of Tourette's Syndrome.
I have the same problem as the original poster where I believe I am "talking from the back of my throat", except the only people who have actually confirmed that they can hear the words coming from the back of my throat are strangers. No one from my family or friends have ever confirmed the words coming from the back of my throat. So people that still don't believe me will think I'm delusional or schizophrenic. I have caught and heard multiple people whispering things and responding to the voice in the back of my throat. I have thought I was delusional and crazy for a very long time, even though I confirmed with strangers of what I was saying. I just didn't want to believe this kind of Tourette's was possible, being able to speak without moving your lips? Didn't seem plausible.
I lived the past couple of years hearing and seeing people whispering, "Hey is that guy talking to himself?" or simply repeating what I was saying in shock to each other. I tried to live in doubt but no matter what, something would come up to remind me that this is very real. I don't know why my friends and family refuse to confirm this mental sickness that I have. Only strangers will, it's almost like everyone I knew banded together to refuse to help me. Thus, I have lost all trust of everyone around me and lost the will to go out. Luckily for me, I have found a way to make a living through online means and not have to deal with people physically.
I have noticed that being sober will help you out with controlling this voice and returning to a normal state of mind that everyone once had. I feel like everyone who didn't experience this their whole life and was once normal, can return back to normal as someone previously mentioned. I do not enjoy making a fool out of myself by trolling myself, insulting others, and etc. with this. It makes life unbearable and I have contemplated suicide many times. No one can tell me this isn't real to me. I know it is. Maybe not everyone is in the same situation as I am, but I am sure from reading on many forums of people experiencing "thought broadcasting" that this is real. It is real, and I believe it's not "thought broadcasting" but yet another form of Tourette's. Maybe Tourette's for people who have a stronger mind and can stop themselves from talking, so the mind manifests a different way for the Tourette's to be audible.
Again, I have seen and heard people muttering/whispering things under their breath responding to what I say in this voice. I know I am not crazy or hallucinating. I hope one day I can return to normal like I used to be before my drug abuse days. I really regret abusing drugs because it has destroyed my mind and trust of the people around me. I have started to 'meditate' these days, just sitting down, or laying down, closing my eyes and attempting to focus on separating the voice from my thoughts. I know this voice isn't actually my thoughts but a creation from my thoughts. I think of what I say before I actually say it in the voice, and that is how I know it isn't my thoughts. My thoughts create things to say before it is actually said. It is just that I cannot control the voice from spouting obscenities and vulgar things KNOWING others around me can hear it. That is why I call it a weird version of Tourette's.
This may sound crazy to the normal person, but I know some of you that suffer with this can relate to me. I just wanted to share this with everyone else, hoping it may help in some way. Be strong, and don't let others tell you you're crazy... you're not. For some reason, this is some kind of curse where people around you cannot accept the fact that you're able to talk without moving your mouth. I know that this voice, my thoughts, and my actual voice are all separate. I just have to be able to learn to control it and not talk through this voice as I used to before. If I was once normal, I can return to being normal. Mentally fight it as much as you can. I'm still fighting this everyday and it is hard, I know. But the thought of one day returning to a normal self is what keeps me going. Life is great and fun, but it has its struggles. Once we can beat this and move on, we'll be stronger in the end and more compassionate towards others. Stay sober, and ditch the drugs (prescribed/illicit). The only thing I take is nicotine which is a habit I've had for about a decade now. I am thinking of quitting that too, in hopes of helping me beat this illness. I can see myself getting better everyday being sober and mentally fighting the voice.
I know this is long, but I had to do this for myself and I felt obligated to share my own thoughts as everyone's posts here has helped me cope also.