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Normal range of acceptable alone time

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Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby smirks » Sat Jan 11, 2020 9:19 pm

I'm curious....

What do you think is the range of alone time per week that normal people would find acceptable?

I have been very lately due to what are probably normal demands on my time from others. I never quite know how to say, "I need five consecutive days away from all humanity so that my soul can feel alive again." Like most people work all day with other people and then go home and have families they have to interact with until they sleep....and they like it. That's...that's something.
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby 1PolarBear » Sat Jan 11, 2020 10:53 pm

No idea really. People probably wouldn't think too much of a couple hours a day.
A few days in a row, it is like a vacation, so does not really matter.

Its more a lack of relationships people get all upset over, especially if they are concerned directly. So in those circumstances, it really depends on the people and the relationship itself. If it upsets a pattern especially, otherwise, it is pretty much irrelevant.

Take it another way. If there was an actual range, we would not put people in prisons, so really nobody cares about the time itself, just how it affects them and generally a lack of interest in others make them uneasy.

I spent 6 month in a place with no alone time, always under surveillance. I had to hide into the furnace to take naps. Its not easy. I got a vacation once, and I slept 48 hours straight which was all the time I had.
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby smirks » Sat Jan 11, 2020 11:08 pm

That's an interesting way to look at it.

I don't consider myself as having relationships with anyone, really, but I know that's not always the expectation on the other end of things. I like to think that I perform a function, and if I do well enough, people will leave me alone and I don't have to feel too bad about it.

Your six months wherever sounds like hell to me. I also find that if I spend a lot of time with people I tend to sleep away my alone time, which is why I need more alone time, so that I can have productive alone time as well.
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby 1PolarBear » Sat Jan 11, 2020 11:32 pm

It was hell, but was also strangely enough, the best time of my life. I was healthier, more active, with a sense of purpose. I just could not sustain it, which is unfortunate, but I had a glimpse of something else, a possibility.

As for the alone time, maybe you could look at how you would look at it. Let's say you have plans and habits with someone else, probably it would annoy you if the other would just disappear. Its mainly a question of expectations, not so much about bad per say. Its no different than someone that would not show up for work, it disrupts. And those are relationships as well, even if mainly practical ones.

And of course, doing well does not make it better, it makes the expectations higher. You don't get brownie points for doing work and then stopping. You get them for doing work constantly, even if on average it is lower. This is mostly because of proximity bias, where you are only good as your last interaction or action. Let's say you have a work load of 100 widgets and you have one week to do it. If you make the 100 widgets in two days and then expect to do nothing, think again. :) People will simply ask for 250 widget instead, or think you are lazy, even though the others take 5 days for the 100 widgets, because it is expected. They might applaud you on day 2 and 3, then hate you on day 4, 5 and 1, until you start producing again. So in the end, you will be called inconsistent, which is bad. :|
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby smirks » Sun Jan 12, 2020 12:00 am

1PolarBear wrote:As for the alone time, maybe you could look at how you would look at it. Let's say you have plans and habits with someone else, probably it would annoy you if the other would just disappear.


Sadly, it would not. At least socially. I am 100% okay with people cancelling or flaking on plans, and usually just go on with my plans alone. Most of the time, it's possible.

And of course, doing well does not make it better, it makes the expectations higher. You don't get brownie points for doing work and then stopping. You get them for doing work constantly, even if on average it is lower. This is mostly because of proximity bias, where you are only good as your last interaction or action. Let's say you have a work load of 100 widgets and you have one week to do it. If you make the 100 widgets in two days and then expect to do nothing, think again. :) People will simply ask for 250 widget instead, or think you are lazy, even though the others take 5 days for the 100 widgets, because it is expected. They might applaud you on day 2 and 3, then hate you on day 4, 5 and 1, until you start producing again. So in the end, you will be called inconsistent, which is bad.


So, in other words, be excessive in my alone time so that people will lower their expectations?
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Sun Jan 12, 2020 3:07 am

Until it causes psychosis or impacts my life negatively
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby Oblivion » Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:12 pm

smirks wrote:I'm curious....

What do you think is the range of alone time per week that normal people would find acceptable?

I have been very lately due to what are probably normal demands on my time from others. I never quite know how to say, "I need five consecutive days away from all humanity so that my soul can feel alive again." Like most people work all day with other people and then go home and have families they have to interact with until they sleep....and they like it. That's...that's something.


I'm lucky in the sense that I've structured my life so that no one knows how much time I spend alone. No one is close enough. Maybe only the lady downstairs from me knows...she has to, she can hear me walking around all day. But I've made it clear to her (in a passive way) that I'm not interested in being her chatty neighbor or maintenance man.

The people who are close enough to me understand that it's just the way I am. They know better than to question me about it. I have no answers.

I don't think normals would understand being alone for more than a day or so.

1PolarBear wrote:Let's say you have plans and habits with someone else, probably it would annoy you if the other would just disappear.


Sometimes. If I spend a few days psyching myself up for a social engagement and the other person bails out at the last minute I think: Wait a minute!You're one of the sheep! You're not allowed to do that! That's my modus operandi! Like when it takes me three days to answer a simple email but if I send someone a message I get all pissed off if they take the same amount of time to respond. It is about expectations. But the balance is off; if I cancel an engagement with someone and they have to spend a night with no plans, I doubt that the boredom they might have to feel matches the discomfort I would go through if I honored the engagement. It's like normals are allowed a double standard. And I'm like an eclipse: if you miss that one tiny window of opportunity with me there won't be another one for a long time.

smirks wrote:I like to think that I perform a function, and if I do well enough, people will leave me alone and I don't have to feel too bad about it.


Sometimes it works the opposite way. By performing a function, you are sort of in compliance with the way they expect things, and little by little, your right to perform on your own terms begins to erode. And if it's job related, and you do it well, they're going to want to squeeze more out of you because that's how jobs work.

DaturaInnoxia wrote:Until it causes psychosis or impacts my life negatively


I'm the opposite. Social obligations equal anxiety. Ongoing social obligations mean anxiety with no end in sight, and no release valve, like a boiling pot with a tight lid that lets no steam escape. Sooner or later that anxiety reaches critical mass, the lid blows off, and it turns into the crazies.
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby Tyler » Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:22 pm

Oblivion wrote:
DaturaInnoxia wrote:Until it causes psychosis or impacts my life negatively


I'm the opposite. Social obligations equal anxiety. Ongoing social obligations mean anxiety with no end in sight, and no release valve, like a boiling pot with a tight lid that lets no steam escape. Sooner or later that anxiety reaches critical mass, the lid blows off, and it turns into the crazies.


This is me. Like, I LOVE interaction through a computer screen, but as soon as I get face to face, or Christ forbid over a telephone, I go into sheer panic and doom-and-gloom anxiety
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby 1PolarBear » Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:26 pm

smirks wrote:So, in other words, be excessive in my alone time so that people will lower their expectations?


Train people to the right amount.
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Re: Normal range of acceptable alone time

Postby 1PolarBear » Sun Jan 12, 2020 2:48 pm

Tyler wrote:This is me. Like, I LOVE interaction through a computer screen, but as soon as I get face to face, or Christ forbid over a telephone, I go into sheer panic and doom-and-gloom anxiety


If Oblivion is like me, it is more of something that builds up over time, not something that hits you like a brick wall. Its also insidious, so you may not realize it, or attribute it to something else. You realize it once it is too late and something exploded.
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