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My Solitude Is All I Have

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My Solitude Is All I Have

Postby CityMouse » Mon Feb 04, 2019 9:09 pm

The only reason for all this suffering i.e. the negative daydreams, is because it keeps me safe from real harm i.e. pressure to do something I don't want to do, pressure to be someone I'm not, being harassed, racist/sexist comments, humiliation, sabotage.

My philosophy guide says that suffering is the real addiction, not pleasure, that we would give up all pleasures but not our suffering. It's what we're used to, allows us to play the victim, and keeps us safe.

But when I'm around people, the voices become totally futile. I'm subjected to their malignant fakery, their waiting for you to shut up so they vent, their unsolicited advice, and their boring, pointless modernity, at best.

I don't control anything except who I put myself around.

Edit: sorry to sound judgmental towards humanity in general, hope no offense was taken.

Do I even have this?
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Re: My Solitude Is All I Have

Postby CityMouse » Mon Feb 04, 2019 9:37 pm

For example, an hour ago, someone came up to me, a neighbor and started chatting and chatting. Every time I responded, he went back to talking about himself and his thoughts. He took two cigarettes when I can barely afford them until I get my check. It just seemed totally fake. I used the time to gossip about him in my head but felt so uncomfortable.

Another example, my mom asked me to watch the Superbowl Half Time show with her. Sheer torture. The whole time, nothing but negative daydreams.

I socially purely to please others, with the exception of a chosen few.
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Re: My Solitude Is All I Have

Postby CityMouse » Tue Feb 05, 2019 5:07 am

Meh. :)
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Re: My Solitude Is All I Have

Postby Akuma » Tue Feb 05, 2019 7:58 am

Learn saying "No".
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: My Solitude Is All I Have

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Tue Feb 05, 2019 3:59 pm

I agree with the above and of course, easier said than done. I do question whether or not you can change your situation because it doesn't seem to be working out. I know some people wait until a breaking point but it almost seems like you've reached that.
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Re: My Solitude Is All I Have

Postby Philonoe » Tue Feb 05, 2019 8:16 pm

CityMouse wrote:For example, an hour ago, someone came up to me, a neighbor and started chatting and chatting. Every time I responded, he went back to talking about himself and his thoughts. He took two cigarettes when I can barely afford them until I get my check. It just seemed totally fake. I used the time to gossip about him in my head but felt so uncomfortable.

Well many people enjoy talking and talking and just don't mind you listening or not. There are lots of techniques to get rid of them without drama.

Another example, my mom asked me to watch the Superbowl Half Time show with her. Sheer torture. The whole time, nothing but negative daydreams.

That's different. I think i wouldn't like to share my preferred tv show with someone who doesn't seem to be happy with it. It looks like torture for you :?

Well, i talk but i remember sharing horrible family dinners and today i think : why did i do that :roll: Families have sort of power of tradition. Power of obviousness. Or just power of... past?
Once you gets rid of that, the world becomes more - how to say - accessible?

I socially purely to please others, with the exception of a chosen few.

It's good that you have them.


I like the title of your thread
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Re: My Solitude Is All I Have

Postby CityMouse » Wed Feb 06, 2019 9:29 am

I guess I was just wondering if I could continue to be an urban hermit for the long haul?
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Re: My Solitude Is All I Have

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Wed Feb 06, 2019 2:30 pm

Maybe better off as a suburban or rural hermit? :)
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