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Reasons why you push people away?

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Reasons why you push people away?

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Fri Nov 30, 2018 12:05 pm

Do you push others away and if so, why?

Apparently this is an issue of mine and I am trying to figure out why. My mind has drawn a blank.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby ChristinaDismas » Fri Nov 30, 2018 12:39 pm

Sometimes, depending on who it is, although I would say it was rather distancing myself rather than pushing people away. I usually distance myself because a) I find them overly tedious/taxing, or b) I think they're starting to get sick of me.
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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby PsychoGenesis » Fri Nov 30, 2018 9:46 pm

ChristinaDismas wrote:Sometimes, depending on who it is, although I would say it was rather distancing myself rather than pushing people away. I usually distance myself because a) I find them overly tedious/taxing, or b) I think they're starting to get sick of me.


maybe you just underestimate your potential



in my case there's not any connection with people for me to push away, only a void and cynicism.
''our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure''


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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby salles » Fri Nov 30, 2018 10:32 pm

xcagedsilhouttex wrote:Do you push others away and if so, why?

why?
Introverts are energetically drained by contact with others, therefore makes perfect sense to push them away. It is self preservation.
Funny how those who crave solitude or space, or those who are asocial are made to feel at fault. It may be a self defence mechanism developed for good reasons, or It may be an inborn trait. Either way
it should ( if society was more accepting of individuality) not be an issue unless one is pushing people away in spite of craving their company. If one craves intimacy but at the same time rejects it, then I guess it is an 'issue'.
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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Sat Dec 01, 2018 2:48 am

A bazillion different reasons.
Can't be bothered with them.
Too tired
Hungry
I know I can't give them what they ask for
I don't gain anything from them
My space is invaded
I'm aware that I toss others aside so I am aware that others could do it to me so I protect myself from harm or being used in ways I don't like.
I'm aware of aspects of my own worthlessness so anyone who takes an interest in me must also be worthless, hence I look at them with revulsion. "Where is your dignity?" Kind of thing.

I've had people not give up on me no matter how much I pushed them away and they helped me so I return the favor to those I can relate to. One of the benefits of being lacking in the shame department is not caring if I'm viewed as filth. I like; so I like, even if I am irrelevant.
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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby nis » Sat Dec 01, 2018 3:53 am

Because I have found that any sort of involvement with other people inevitably leads to them expecting/needing/wanting things from me. The best way to prevent this from happening is to completely stop communicating with people.
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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby smirks » Sat Dec 01, 2018 4:17 am

Actually, I don't often push people away and that is my failing.

But I don't actively work to obtain or maintain relationships, either, and that is probably the same thing. I think we find energy and effort for things we find fulfilling, and I've never felt fulfilled or supported or benefitted by a relationship.
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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby salles » Sat Dec 01, 2018 7:29 am

smirks wrote: I think we find energy and effort for things we find fulfilling,

So true.

I've never felt fulfilled or supported or benefitted by a relationship.

I have concluded we often make poor choices based on our childhood parental relationships and the idea of Love that emerges from that; that some of us should not be in a relationship;will never make the right choice as we are hard-wired to not make healthy choices.
Accepting and understanding this = freedom, for me personally.
I feel grateful that I feel stronger being alone unlike some people I know personally who flounder when not in a relationship.
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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby naps » Sat Dec 01, 2018 1:22 pm

Because people are hesitant to accept me on my terms which are admittedly a little stringent.

ie. limited contact, long 'warming up to' periods.

I understand that friendship/social contact is a two way street, but if it's okay for others to assume I'm game to hang out all day or drive ridiculously long distances for "really good tacos", why is it unreasonable for me to say 'that's enough for me, I wanna go home'?

I suppose it's about compromise, but it seems to me that social discourse is geared more toward extroversion than introversion, which puts me at a disadvantage from the start.

I'm also very picky about people. Most people seem shallow and boring to me. I admit I'm eccentric, but even other eccentrics can expect too much from me.

Also, people tend to stir up emotions in me, which is fine, but I don't think I deal with them properly. Where emotions are concerned, I like to take it slowly and carefully. Additionally, when I am finally able to get away, the emotional affect lingers and I take them home with me in my head. This is annoying, like tracking dogshlt from outside into your living room.

Squaredonutwheels wrote:Hungry


Is this a joke? Because I eat like a dog: stay away from my food and don't bother me when I'm eating it. I never understood the ritual of dinner conversation. How is it possible to put food in your mouth and chew while blab blab blabbing at the same time? I thought it was rude to talk with your mouth full.
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Re: Reasons why you push people away?

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Sat Dec 01, 2018 1:47 pm

@naps, do you think your OCD plays a part in this?
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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