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I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

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I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby NPC » Mon Oct 29, 2018 12:12 am

Hello,

After almost a year of going to a psychologist, I was diagnosed with SPD. of course, the first thing I did is finding more information about this disorder, and while searching (very little information btw) for first I thought it might be it, I really could relate to many of the traits: No friends (at least in my case) and no actual desire of having them, I have little interest in sexual relationships (I'm a virgin tho), I appear to be "cold" and some other traits.

but, with that being said I can't agree with all of them. for example:

1) Friends - When I went to elementary school, I was a very aggressive child because I was abused at kindergarten (mostly emotionally). I did have one friend who I talked almost all the time as my mom worked as a babysitter to his little sister, but I always felt that it was a fake friendship. other kids at my class were nice to me, but I often heard how they say "oh no, he brought him again" when I came to play with them (of course I heard it accidentally, as I said they were "nice" to me).
all my elementary years I remember how I cried almost every night because I didn't have any friends and literally watched TV all day as I had no one to play with, tho looking at it now I understand why they acted this way. after elementary, I moved to a new city and manage to get into a "science class" (basically smart kids class) and from the first day at middle school, I completely changed, from an aggressive and somewhat emotional kid to a cold teenager, which probably happen because my class didn't accept me at all and I became the kid who nobody wanted to sit next to.
From the beginning of middle school to now, my 11th year at school (almost 5 years), I just became colder and more cynical.

From here, sure, it's pretty similar to SPD, but doesn't it develop earlier in life? to me, it looks like I just have an introvert personality.


2) Expressing Emotions - Well, here it's more of 50/50. at public, I might appear cold and emotionless - serious - but it's not the same at home, for example. I laugh at videos, I have a stupid smile on "cute" scenes (rarely, but I do) in movies, and I might even have a tear or two (movies, again), or in other words: normal human emotions. tho, I do often find myself having an emotional scene and being sad, but at the same time being cold-minded, if it makes sense, it's a pretty strange situation. besides that, I have a pretty good humor when it comes to saying the right thing at the right time or making a funny cynical comment, and in class, I might find something that happens at the moment as funny and have a stupid smile because of it.

Overall, like before, I can see a few similarities, but isn't it suppose to be a bit colder? from what I have read, most of the people who have SPD fake it or have a dead-face even if they find it funny. I don't think I fake the one in class, it's actually a bit funny for a couple of seconds before the emotionless face returns.

Inner-World - my I just didn't get it, but I don't have some sort of an "imaginative world" inside my brain that feels "real" to me. yes, I do have many thoughts that I can think about for days and I do have a good memory of events and movies I have seen, but nothing as huge as I understood from people who talked about it (most of them don't have SPD tho). the closest thing I have to it is a crowd of people I imagine I talk to from a podium and explain to them my "mastermind plans" and in general about interesting thoughts I had. oh, and murdering people, I get very creative when it comes to how I would slaughter someone.

"Understanding people on a creepy level" - Since I begin to use social media, I met many people with different mental problems: Bipolar, Depression, PTSD, etc, and I can say that all of them really liked to talk to me and we connected very well as I could understand what they feel, tho no one said it was "creepy" and I doubt it's that easy in real life as people deny things they don't like and it's harder to prove them wrong. In the end, when I learn everything about those individuals and their traumas, I often push on their wounds as hard as possible to get rid of them. I just lose any interest in talking to them.


So as I already said previously, I can see many similarities, but my concern is about the number of differences I have or are they different? I don't know. anyway, I will be glad to hear your thoughts on this - is my psychologist correct with my diagnoses? and if yes/no, why?

btw thanks for everyone who read up to here and sorry if I made any grammar/spelling mistakes, English isn't my main language.
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Mon Oct 29, 2018 2:37 pm

Are you willing to reveal why you sought a psychologist? That would provide some more insight. We can't diagnose but can at least provide you some insight.

For the friends section, I have seen it where Schizoids are sensitive in their younger years and then they shut off that side of themselves. However, it's difficult to gauge Schizoidness in the teenage years since teens deal with a lot of issues. I didn't feel the need to have friends, however, people cured my boredom. I was more of the observer type, not really interacting.

I believe Schizoids tend to have basic emotions, they are just reduced. So yeah, you may laugh or crack a smile but more often than not you will have reduced affect display unless you are masking. I have seen that Schizoids may be more emotional around movies or imaginary events than real life events. So, internally there may be an emotional landscape but it's being repressed. I think it goes with the theory of hiding yourself away from the harsh world.

I don't have an inner fantasy world. I imagine what I think would be a perfect world but I don't place myself inside of it and play things out per se. I create scenarios to see if things will work out, basically, debating myself. I can picture things in my head so I would be capable if I tried. I guess I just don't do well with imaginative play.
Dx: SPD/AvPD/BP2
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby Holodeck » Mon Oct 29, 2018 3:04 pm

Hi NPC, and welcome. Love your name. It gave me a chuckle. Also, your English is great.

Can't diagnose here but personally, I feel SPD or any PD for that matter is a symptom and a step to solving the issue (often I suspect issues) rather than a concrete issue. To me, any doctor who leaves it as a PD being it isn't doing their job properly. Most SPD folks don't bother going in to a doctor for this dx unless forced so not much info is out there. I have however seen quite a rise in the number of diagnoses of those who have within the forum than I did when I joined. I matched all but two or three traits out of the ton listed here. You don't have to hit every marker but again SPD is an umbrella term that's supposed to be the first step to managing therapy sessions.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_ ... 's_profile

I'd count your inner world/fantasies even if on a smaller scale. I look at it as more of an escape and have heard of those who don't have a lot of detail. I recall one who said they imagined living in a world devoid of all but themselves. With social media, it sounds like you get where they're coming from because you see yourself in them. Once it's no longer interesting, or it's purely them as themselves, it's no longer yourself in them you feel it isn't worth pursuing the contact. Seems pretty normal to me more than creepy.

You certainly had a bad childhood. I've seen many here including myself who can relate. This often leads to few if any friends. Having no desire for friends, yet once if not still, sort of having one is a schizoid trait so you wanting them to the point of tears as a kid still fits. I'm pretty sure all teens are emotional to a large extent with hormones going nuts in themselves. I was emotional as a teen despite being dx'ed so I doubt that has anything to do with it. In fact, you aren't supposed to be diagnosed if you were always SPD. I too have had the 50/50 emotions. If alone it's easier. In person, it's basically been nonexistent. I'm roughly the same with humor and have temporarily found things funny if, I guess you could say, "caught off guard."

I didn't develop major symptoms to land myself a diagnosis until I was around 25. I noticed I was not myself at all but wrote it off that I had been through a humungously abusive marriage/divorce on top of what all childhood issues. I was 30 when I got my dx. I doubt you "fake it" and I'm sure some do act colder but I'm also positive many do act like you and I. Many have denial over their emotions too. Source: I did and thanks to the amnesia bipolar can bring I assumed no huge depressive emotions were had until I found physical evidence I had written and recalled most of it. After my dx we slowly worked through everything that happened and how I dealt with everything. My dad has a mood disorder and it turns out I have the same one but with added trauma. After stabilizing my depression I was placed on ADHD meds, the disorder was the cause of me having lack of focus and being overwhelmed around certain environments when not one-on-one that SPD's so often get. I found I can replace the ADHD meds with green tea and it seems to do the same without any bad side effects. It also balances out a bunch of stress chemicals. I've been pretty happy with where my emotions are at this point so working on trauma but that's basically it.

Turned out I was experiencing lack of emotion due to a more severe depression via my regular bipolar I inherited from my dad. Depression at that level makes emotions turn off and my trauma is due to lots of people from child and adulthood. Even if you don't have adult trauma I suspect your childhood gave you a severe enough lack of trust and depression to even be around them that it easily could have made you go a similar path.
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby anathegram » Mon Oct 29, 2018 8:42 pm

Millon emphasizes that it is misleading to think of "having" a particular personality disorder, because they are not discrete clinical entities. A named PD represents a rough ready-made outline of a person's maladaptive behaviours or traits that make it difficult for them to cope with everyday life. He likens it to having a compromised psychological immune system, where minor stressors can easily lead to mental illness - although personality disorders themselves are not mental illnesses.

If you don't find that your particular diagnosis leads anywhere useful therapeutically, you don't need to focus on it. But being diagnosed with a PD in general might be something to keep in mind either way.
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby Eight » Mon Oct 29, 2018 11:56 pm

Holodeck wrote:Hi NPC, and welcome. Love your name. It gave me a chuckle.

I don't get it. Explain?
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby naps » Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:01 am

Me neither. Explain!
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby emillionth » Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:14 am

A non-player character (NPC), also known as a non-playable character, is any character in a game which is not controlled by a player.[1] In video games, this usually means a character controlled by the computer via predetermined or responsive behavior, but not necessarily true artificial intelligence.
Is this now?
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby naps » Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:30 am

emillionth wrote:
A non-player character (NPC), also known as a non-playable character, is any character in a game which is not controlled by a player.[1] In video games, this usually means a character controlled by the computer via predetermined or responsive behavior, but not necessarily true artificial intelligence.


What?
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby emillionth » Tue Oct 30, 2018 12:43 am

Well that's what NPC means. A preprogrammed character.
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Re: I was diagnosed with SPD but I doubt I have it

Postby naps » Tue Oct 30, 2018 1:46 am

Image
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