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Where does she go?

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Where does she go?

Postby iwillsteal » Tue Oct 23, 2018 7:56 pm

I wanted to ask her...where do you go? We met; we talked; we ' seemed' to get along fine. Then she went silent....and she stayed silent.

I assumed it was me. Maybe she didn't like me....but, I didn't 'feel' that when we met; in fact, I almost felt the opposite. I must have been wrong...and she still remained silent.

I kept thinking about it. It bothered me. Had she have said. 'I am sorry. I don't think you are my type', I would have understood. But she said nothing. I kept thinking, ' I wonder why she doesn't want to meet again'. I mean.... I do.

Then one day, after a long period of nothing, in which there was only life and not her, I heard from her again. A text. Her texts are all like this;

'Hi. Hope you had a good weekend. Am at ********* today. Have a good week'.

Now..

Let's pretend my name is John. It isn't, but let's pretend it is. I want to pick out from the above text what I think the text is saying. Even though it would appear to be saying very little. Let me illustrate it by firstly putting it as I would have put it if I had sent that text to me. My additions are in brackets. These bits are what I think 'should' have been said, if the person saying it wasn't her.

'Hi (John), (I) hope you had a good weekend. (I) am at ****** today. (Having a great time). (I) hope you have a good week' (If you want to meet again, let me know). (Take care)' X

There are four striking things missing from her text, which I have put back in my text to me, written by me. Firstly, my name (which is not really John, but that is by the by); which suggests she is negating me as a subject. Secondly, she does not acknowledge herself as 'I'. Which suggests she does not see herself as 'I'. Thirdly the lack of an adjective..and hence colour in her world; and fourthly. There is no meaningful question? She does not lead to any point. The question barely encourages a response. Which suggests, she may not want one. It is almost 'closed'. Am I meant to fill in the gaps and try and work out what she means? Because perhaps she can't say it. Or does she really means what she says? And therefore means nothing more. I am, to say the least, intrigued.

So...what am I to make of this...?

Well, I will go continue another day.....
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Tue Oct 23, 2018 8:04 pm

I constantly do this. I wouldn't read too much into it. Certainly in my case, it's not a personal thing. I find it easier to communicate in person but I find it hard to want to meet up in person which results in me fully intending to reply to messages but not always getting around to it and pushing off seeing people.
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby emillionth » Tue Oct 23, 2018 8:06 pm

iwillsteal wrote:So...what am I to make of this...?

That if your contact/relationship with that person is going to continually involve that kind of one-sided psychoanalytic guessing with no actual communication about the things that bother you and leave you in doubt, then you're going to go crazy. Guaranteed.

Either communicate or let it go. Stop guessing and analyzing. Not much anything good can come out of it.
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby naps » Tue Oct 23, 2018 8:53 pm

iwillsteal wrote:I wanted to ask her...where do you go? We met; we talked; we ' seemed' to get along fine. Then she went silent....and she stayed silent.

I assumed it was me. Maybe she didn't like me....but, I didn't 'feel' that when we met; in fact, I almost felt the opposite. I must have been wrong...and she still remained silent.

I kept thinking about it. It bothered me. Had she have said. 'I am sorry. I don't think you are my type', I would have understood. But she said nothing. I kept thinking, ' I wonder why she doesn't want to meet again'. I mean.... I do.


^These could be lyrics!

She Stayed Silent
by Not John

I wanted to ask her...where do you go?
We met; we talked; we ' seemed' to get along fine.
Then she went silent....and she stayed silent.

I assumed it was me.Maybe she didn't like me
I didn't 'feel' that when we met
I almost felt the opposite.
I must have been wrong...and she still remained silent.

I kept thinking about it.
It bothered me.
Had she have said. 'I am sorry.
I don't think you are my type',
I would have understood.
But she said nothing.

I kept thinking,
' I wonder why she doesn't want to meet again'.
I mean.... I do.

Seriously though, I do this too. Or I used to. I don't really bother anymore because people are a dead end for me.

'Hi (John), (I) hope you had a good weekend. (I) am at ****** today. (Having a great time). (I) hope you have a good week' (If you want to meet again, let me know). (Take care)' X

There are four striking things missing from her text, which I have put back in my text to me, written by me. Firstly, my name (which is not really John, but that is by the by); which suggests she is negating me as a subject. Secondly, she does not acknowledge herself as 'I'. Which suggests she does not see herself as 'I'. Thirdly the lack of an adjective..and hence colour in her world; and fourthly. There is no meaningful question? She does not lead to any point. The question barely encourages a response. Which suggests, she may not want one. It is almost 'closed'. Am I meant to fill in the gaps and try and work out what she means? Because perhaps she can't say it. Or does she really means what she says? And therefore means nothing more. I am, to say the least, intrigued.

So...what am I to make of this...?


My interpretation based on my own experience is that she's got schizoid traits and she's stringing you along, but not necessarily in a bad way.

She doesn't use your name because she sees that as too personal, to chummy.

She mentioned where she was. I'm assuming she was at some kind of function or public place. Which is why she reached out to you. Once a schizoid is already immersed in a social-type milieu, it's easier to catch up on other social obligations. It's like Genet said, “To escape the horror, bury yourself in it.”. If she were home alone, it's doubtful she would have taken the time or had the inclination to just text someone out of nowhere. Saying "Hope you had a good week," is her way of injecting something positive, a way to express that she doesn't necessarily have negative feelings about you, without being too forward or, again, too personal. She doesn't want to, or cant be too emotionally touchy-feely, if that makes any sense.

It's like she's making a little investment to stay in touch with you, which is all she can comfortably do.

I've done this so many times. For a normal person, it would be manipulative. For an extreme introvert, it's not. It's actually a friendly gesture. What you didn't read into here was fear and discomfort. Maybe reluctance. But it had nothing to do with you, personally.

I often think of the people I've met that interested me as good books I'll get around to some day, but they're long and complicated books, and I'm not sure I want to make the commitment.

Unfortunately, books can get old and moldy. Out of print. Like relationships, they need to be taken care of.

Remember, this is just my interpretation. There's very little to go on here..

With that in mind, I suggest you text her back. DON'T ask her about what you perceived to be omissions in her text. DON'T suggest you meet up for coffee or sometime soon. Respond as if you perceived the text as totally normal. You just might hear back.
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby naps » Tue Oct 23, 2018 9:16 pm

emillionth wrote:That if your contact/relationship with that person is going to continually involve that kind of one-sided psychoanalytic guessing with no actual communication about the things that bother you and leave you in doubt, then you're going to go crazy. Guaranteed.


I'll bet that right this second there are thousands of teenagers agonizing over interpreting some ambiguous, hastily composed text from someone who's got their emotional hormones in a tangle.

More proof that technology is tearing apart the social fabric of everyone's life.

But not mine. I go nude.
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby anathegram » Tue Oct 23, 2018 9:39 pm

generally speaking, a meaningful relationship is going to require a certain amount of openness

it's time for you to get it over with and tell her: my name is not really John

more serious edit: it's funny, if I were texting someone I'd probably only include their name if I wanted to establish a certain formal distance between myself and the recipient

you seem to be reading it the opposite way?

bonus edit: this is why the good lord gave us emojis, by the way
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby solemnlysworn » Tue Oct 23, 2018 11:36 pm

Just ######6 talk to her instead of wasting all this energy wondering

When do you want to see her again next? See what happens when you invite her
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby naps » Wed Oct 24, 2018 12:12 am

solemnlysworn wrote:When do you want to see her again next? See what happens when you invite her


If she's schizoid-ish, she'll retreat.
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby solemnlysworn » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:07 pm

She reached out to him and they havent had contact in a while
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Re: Where does she go?

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Wed Oct 24, 2018 8:22 pm

It was a message to let him know she is still around. If she is ready to see him, she will ask. Otherwise she will probably go quiet if he pushes her to see him.
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