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Disappointed With Everything

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Disappointed With Everything

Postby CityMouse » Fri Oct 05, 2018 6:21 pm

After a long life of disrespect and abuse, striving, blah blah, I'm just disappointed and bored with everything. I'm tired of people with their incessant judgment calls on every aspect of my life, from smoking to not having kids to not being driven to work hard, you name it, they've called me on it. And they've done this even when I was at the top of my game. It was never good enough, never as perfect and mighty as them.

I'm bored of everything. One of the few things I find interesting is this section of this website. You guys are super interesting, intelligent, funny, and kind. I appreciate it. And I still love my bf and appreciate his support.

I have nothing to do but chores, things where I can entertain myself with my own thoughts. I try hard as heck to isolate myself from people because 1. I believe almost all pleasure leads to pain and 2. people love to start crap, it almost never fails.

Another thing, the primary thing I find interesting is my own thoughts.

So I guess from here I just take things one step at a time.

Baby steps?
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby naps » Fri Oct 05, 2018 9:18 pm

More and more, people seem obsessed with getting ahead. Defeating the competition. Being bigger and better than the next guy. I never understood that mindset.

Getting ahead of what? Being better than what? Most times they don't even know. If you see everything as a competition you're going to get old and dried up pretty fast. There is only so much room at "the top", whatever that is. I suppose they're programmed from an early age.

I've always been disappointed by people. But I've just started to wonder if this has more to do with my expectations than anything else.

I have no interest in getting ahead just for the sake of it. I have ambitions, but I don't know how to apply them. I don't have patience for baby steps. It's like watching a clock. I'd like to take bigger strides toward my goals, but my lifestyle makes that difficult.

Be grateful you have a boyfriend who is supportive. Not saying that you aren't, it's just that a lot of people here don't have anyone else for support.

Just some thoughts.
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Fri Oct 05, 2018 11:47 pm

Disappointed with this world? That's an easy task and why I prefer being an observer. I don't really want to be a part of what's going on. It makes me feel dirty. Not to say there aren't good things happening but those things need to be bigger than they are. I don't have the motivation to get behind much but I can at least say I am not a barrier to progress.
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby CityMouse » Sat Oct 06, 2018 12:59 am

I recently started a strict diet that for some reason makes it easier to deal with life and people. I feel for some reason like people are vampires who set out to make my life miserable because "that's the way it is" and always will be. The diet keeps me in control of something. I feel like if you control your diet, you control your life. I think this is a step in the right direction.

I don't tell people because the last thing I need is for people to tell me "that's what people with eating disorders say." I think that's false because Buddhist monks don't eat after noon and most of the world eats one meal a day.

I also control my smoking and coffee. I actually enjoy feeling hungry and experiencing nicotine withdrawal. I think the patch, the gum, etc. are scams.

I hope that helps some of you who feel jaded as I was starting feel and feel the need to isolate yourself from people.
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby orinoco » Sun Oct 07, 2018 1:00 pm

What I am trying to do since I found out about my SPD and understanding the underlying reasons for it, is following a stress diet. I try to keep things, persons and situations that cause stress to me away from me. On the other side I try doing anti-stress things like training self-efficiency, intelligent self-defence against social, non-physical attacks, being active and achieving something, being nice and fair to people myself in the 1st place, fight back against those people who think they can get smart with me. Of course it's difficult and results are only temporary and not sustainable, as there is no real cure for complex PTSD and as a social being you can't avoid every social contact, which includes the risk of being disappointed and stressed.
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby CityMouse » Sun Oct 07, 2018 1:19 pm

I have complex ptsd too!! I finally figured it out!! That's the cause of the daydreams!! It's dissociating.

That's why the diet works as it helps me to dissociate.

I suppose for you ^^ dissociating is separating yourself from "the herd?"
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby smirks » Sun Oct 07, 2018 6:22 pm

Being disappointed with everything doesn't sound like a great feeling.

Personally, I have just gotten to a point where I disregard anything that anyone has to say about my life and that comes from the dual realizations that people generally know very little about me personally, and people tend to project their own preferences onto you, rather than thoughtfully consider your specific situation and viewpoint. Usually, it's not that they're trying to make you miserable, but it's hard for people to think outside of their experiences and personal viewpoint in life. Usually, I find that "I'm not interested in that" is a great phrase for dissuading people. You can be not interested in children, quitting smoking....a large variety of things.

I hope you find something that doesn't bore you.
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby CityMouse » Mon Oct 08, 2018 11:50 pm

Thanks.

Yeah I've come to the final end of coping strategies or ways to deal with this world/the voices.

I tried: positive self talk, mindfulness meditation, the Rosary/prayers, distraction/keeping busy, solitude, silence, drinking, sex, meds, New Age, Satanism, you name it, silence, almost everything but thank goodness not drugs. (So glad for that).

So the diet is it (and cutting down on smoking and spending).

Therapy was such a sham. She kept pulling me out of the diet and telling me that I control who I surround myself with. That invoked paranoid thoughts of being forced to move to a more social environment with a social culture like the South. (I still fear the South, Africa, and Latin America, because of all the food). The voices called me antisocial. And work is interactive. If I had kept to myself, I would have looked antisocial and possibly gotten fired. Besides, I couldn't. We had to speak and interact whether we liked it or not.

Also, at the last minute, I decided not to be 90% silent. Imagine how stupid I would have looked smiling at people and not saying anything, or how rude I would have looked to not say please and thank you.

And then, at the eleventh hour, I decided against the Jesus prayer. I started to pray in the cab on the way home, closed my eyes, when the voices started with "what are you doing, that's so weird, why are you falling asleep."

So this is it.

Just one last question: is this an eating disorder?

Thanks in advance.
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Tue Oct 09, 2018 2:15 am

No, voices are not associated with eating disorders.
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Re: Disappointed With Everything

Postby Cholls » Tue Oct 09, 2018 1:37 pm

CityMouse wrote:I recently started a strict diet that for some reason makes it easier to deal with life and people. ... The diet keeps me in control of something. I feel like if you control your diet, you control your life. I think this is a step in the right direction.

I don't tell people because the last thing I need is for people to tell me "that's what people with eating disorders say." I think that's false because Buddhist monks don't eat after noon and most of the world eats one meal a day.

I also control my smoking and coffee. I actually enjoy feeling hungry and experiencing nicotine withdrawal. ...

You are what you eat! Sounds as though you are eating consciously. Becoming aware of your body and its/your relationship to what you ingest are hugely important.

Many in America (where I am from) live to eat, or so it seems.

What has worked for me is gradually removing all sugar from my diet, starting with the obvious stuff such as booze, soft drinks, candy, cake, and thence to ketchup, commercial salad dressings, and then stricter and stricter such that, now, I can tell the difference between 2 grams of sugar in a serving and 1 gram of sugar. The difference is noticeable. Personally, I was at a point where the choice was, literally: go insane or change my diet.
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