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Introduction: Hello :)

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Introduction: Hello :)

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Tue Sep 11, 2018 12:23 am

Hello. I'm new here and thought I would introduce myself.

I was recently diagnosed with mixed personality disorder which kinda means my PD traits are like a bag of liquorice allsorts however Schizoid PD seems to be the main traits in my allsorts bag.

I come from quite an abusive home and was homeschool until I finished my GCSEs. I spent most of my time in my head living out fantasy scenarios as a sort of "hope" to help me cope with the situation I was in. Towards the end of my A levels I met someone and we started dating. At the same point I started heavily abusing substances and I confused the euphoria of the drugs with liking being around this person.

I started university and did quite well in the beginning but as the semester progressed things started to go down hill. I lost my passion for what I was doing, got more into my head and disliked spending time with people preferring to work alone or stay at home. I failed that year due to absenteeism and failed again the next year for the same reason.

I then started working and the same pattern of being enthusiastic at the start, losing interest and withdrawing into my head or calling in sick just to be alone and eventually resigning happened repeatedly. At a few points in between jobs I made money illegally and eventually was caught but luckily the case was dropped.

I was still dating the same man despite not having romantic or sexual interest in him and spending most of my time in my own room (we lived together but I wanted my own space). Eventually seeing the relationship as pointless, I broke up with him and pinned my failures on the relationship.

I started a new job at a small company and moved out on my own for the first time and things were looking peach. However three months in and the same patterns appeared again only this time I also acquired an addiction to heroin and stole money from the company. My boss went away and while she was away I planned to pay back what I had taken and finish the work I had not done. However she came back from holiday early and found out what I had done and confronted me over the phone. I hung up on her and overdosed on heroin to try and escape my reality. I ended up in hospital where they also found scars of where I had cut myself and institutionalised me.

Long story over, that's when I was diagnosed.

I might have rambled a bit so sorry if it's a bit of a wall. I have severe social anxiety so I'm really nervous posting. Also I don't know if this is relatable or not to most of view?
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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Re: Introduction: Hello :)

Postby CityMouse » Tue Sep 11, 2018 2:35 am

Hi, I'm sorry you went through so much. I could relate to most of it:

1. Coming from a broken home
2. Daydreaming to escape
3. Doing really well in school initially, then stopping showing up to classes and not wanting to be around people
4. Getting jobs, being enthusiastic initially, then calling in sick more and more to be alone and eventually quitting or getting fired

Do you find that you go out of your way to avoid people?
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Re: Introduction: Hello :)

Postby anathegram » Tue Sep 11, 2018 6:23 am

glad to hear you came out of it alive at least

are you receiving any kind of treatment or counselling at the moment?
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Re: Introduction: Hello :)

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Tue Sep 11, 2018 9:21 am

@citymouse

I think the answer is yes but not 100% of the time. I like meeting new people and I make new friends easily but after a short while the fascination disappears and I find it difficult to keep in communication with them. I don't have any issues with them and wouldn't mind them staying in my life but I find it difficult to get out of my head for long enough to reply to their messages or to go out and meet them. I usually have the intention to respond to them eventually but I don't always get there.

@anathegram

I see my psychologist once a week and he's brilliant. I was seeing a psychiatrist but I refused to take the meds he prescribed because I feared gaining weight and he indicated that long term psychotherapy would be more beneficial than medication. I attend Narcotics Anonymous for my opiate addiction (6 months clean this coming monday).
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
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xcagedsilhouttex
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Re: Introduction: Hello :)

Postby CityMouse » Tue Sep 11, 2018 7:16 pm

xcagedsilhouttex wrote:@citymouse

I think the answer is yes but not 100% of the time. I like meeting new people and I make new friends easily but after a short while the fascination disappears and I find it difficult to keep in communication with them. I don't have any issues with them and wouldn't mind them staying in my life but I find it difficult to get out of my head for long enough to reply to their messages or to go out and meet them. I usually have the intention to respond to them eventually but I don't always get there.


Cheers on being six months clean first of all.

When you say you're in your head, do you think a lot or do you fantasize/daydream? Do you enjoy it?
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Re: Introduction: Hello :)

Postby anathegram » Tue Sep 11, 2018 7:23 pm

I haven't found psychiatrists helpful either. They don't seem to be very good listeners.

I usually have the intention to respond to them eventually but I don't always get there.

Do you get hung up on what to say, or do you just sort of… forget?
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Re: Introduction: Hello :)

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Tue Sep 11, 2018 10:15 pm

@CityMouse I go into my own fantasy world. I do enjoy it, I find it more interesting than real life. However I am aware that it's not a particularly productive way to spend my time. When I was younger I wrote down the stories that I created in my head. I'm trying to get back into writing but I have lost interest in most of the things I used to like doing.

@anathegram if it's a message, I postpone replying because I would rather be doing something else and eventually forget about it.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
User avatar
xcagedsilhouttex
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 557
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:27 pm
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Re: Introduction: Hello :)

Postby CityMouse » Fri Sep 14, 2018 1:21 am

I would be less concerned with being "productive" and more concerned with missing out on life by daydreaming it away. Just my two cents.
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Re: Introduction: Hello :)

Postby xcagedsilhouttex » Fri Sep 14, 2018 3:34 am

@CityMouse I appreciate your insight. I think it's easier for me to concern myself with the idea of productivity because it's something that can be measured where as what I am missing out on in life is abstract. It is a healthier way to look at it though.
dx: Mixed Personality Disorder (F61)
Anorexia Nervosa (F50)
Substance Abuse (F11)

But if you've made your peace, then the devils are really angels, freeing you from the earth. It's just a matter of how you look at it, that's all
User avatar
xcagedsilhouttex
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 557
Joined: Mon Sep 10, 2018 10:27 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 20, 2019 11:18 am
Blog: View Blog (4)


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