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BPD courting SPD

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BPD courting SPD

Postby mBPD » Tue Aug 14, 2018 12:30 pm

Hello everyone
I would like to hear some opinions from you people here
I'm a male BPD and trying to express feeling for a woman who is SPD or at least is showing tendencies towards that spectrum of behaviour
I did a bunch of BPD stupidity around her in the past, unintentionally, thats just the way i am, and only recently i understood hows and whys of why i act in such a way
Now i tried to contact her on social network and she did not even reply to me, she just blockeed me without a word...but i really like her way to much to quit after one internet message
i want to continue my efforts, so please give me some idea what is accepable for an SPD woman and not percieved as violating her privacy...triggering her fears...
Thank you
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby UnfortunateEvents » Tue Aug 14, 2018 9:56 pm

It sounds like she just isn't interested to me... If you see her somewhere just say hello and talk about light topics to see if she is at all friendly. But to be honest if she really is SPD it's much more likely than not that she won't be having it and things aren't going to go anywhere. It's better that you know that up front than to have higher expectations just for them to come crashing down on you 10x worse.
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby mBPD » Tue Aug 14, 2018 10:14 pm

She was hostile when i first went after her...many years ago...but after a while warmed up for me too approach her...i became psychotic and ended up in hospital on meds so i dissapeared for years...when i saw her later first she got scared as hell...then collected herself and started ignoring me as if i dont exist in front of her...will be the same if i try talking when i see her, she will just leave. I really have honest intentions and my BPD behaviour in the past was not my decision...plus it hurts me to see her alone, we are both 40 now, not kids anymore. Please give me some ideas, preferably something i can pull off from a distance...you know BPD without accepatance is a mess
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby anathegram » Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:26 pm

mBPD wrote:plus it hurts me to see her alone

this would be the perfect opportunity for a thinking face emoji but apparently responding to a post with a smiley is against the rules and also there isn't one
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby mBPD » Wed Aug 15, 2018 1:15 am

Thinking face? BPD formed attachment just based on emotions not on reality hence such feelings towards a 'stranger', shouldn't be weird considering the forum we're at
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Wed Aug 15, 2018 12:23 pm

If she is truly SPD then she is fine being alone. If you are truly BPD then I think she will likely not deal with that very well. Most personality disorders are lifelong unless you think you have a pretty good control of it. Considering the hospitalization, I'd say it's a struggle.
Dx: SPD/AvPD/Bipolar2 Considering: ASD/Schizoaffective
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby UnfortunateEvents » Wed Aug 15, 2018 1:07 pm

mBPD wrote:She was hostile when i first went after her...many years ago...but after a while warmed up for me too approach her...i became psychotic and ended up in hospital on meds so i dissapeared for years...when i saw her later first she got scared as hell...then collected herself and started ignoring me as if i dont exist in front of her...will be the same if i try talking when i see her, she will just leave. I really have honest intentions and my BPD behaviour in the past was not my decision...plus it hurts me to see her alone, we are both 40 now, not kids anymore. Please give me some ideas, preferably something i can pull off from a distance...you know BPD without accepatance is a mess


Well from the way you are replying there isn't really anything you can do that wouldn't end up in a restraining order or something like that. Pulling something off from a distance is no relationship at all, and it sounds like she made it pretty clear she isn't interested.
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby mBPD » Wed Aug 15, 2018 3:15 pm

i am truly,diagnosed, and after reading a lot about it can agree with it, BPD. SPD explains her behaviour well. As for rejection, i have seen countless times how it was turned into relationship. I just looking for the lest intrusive wats to let her know how serious i am about her, my behavior has made it look just the opposite. I was not aware what BPD is until studied it recently.. Also bas things can happen if i get psychotic again sometime, then im out off control but madly in love with her so i wouldnt harm her in any way, but still my behavior could cause discomfort even by people associating her with me (crazy dude likes her). Positive thinking, please guys
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Wed Aug 15, 2018 3:50 pm

Just being honest from my perspective. I have been married almost 20 years. Why? My wife has very few, if any, emotional outbursts. She has friends she discusses stuff with because she definitely doesn't want my logical support nor do I want the hassle. So, in my opinion, a Schizoid is not going to deal well with BPD traits. It seems like I am not going to give you the answer you want but just wanted to restate my opinion.
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Re: BPD courting SPD

Postby UnfortunateEvents » Wed Aug 15, 2018 4:54 pm

I personally could sit through a BPD outburst, not listen to a word they say and just be slightly amused without it bothering me one bit. But the problem is, like you said not being able to show that emotional component that is the main thing BPD's need and look for so it's really one of the worst matches in terms of personality.
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