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Socialization

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Socialization

Postby StickyFingers » Wed Jul 11, 2018 4:55 pm

Am I the only person here to live quit well without friends and a girlfriend?

It's like I don't like anyone enough to open myself to them and build a friendship. I'm a guy, so with the girls.... I find them hypocritical and manipulative most of the time.

How are your social lives? How do you deal with people around you? If there is...
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Re: Socialization

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:04 pm

I have 0 friends but a wife and 4 kids. Those people pretty much do their own thing. My wife keeps me normalized. The kids keep me busy on occasion and spark the occasional interest in something. Mostly new stuff since kids are into the latest thing.

As for the downsides, kids do need attention so you can't ignore them all of the time. The wife doesn't do well with practicality but I keep working it every chance I get. She'll come around when there is no money left. :)
Dx: SzPD/AvPD/Bipolar2 Considering: ASD/Schizoaffective
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Re: Socialization

Postby Holodeck » Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:30 pm

StickyFingers wrote:Am I the only person here to live quit well without friends and a girlfriend?


I have a fear of becoming too bored with my own thoughts from not having someone to add to them. I like thoughtful discussions and appreciate people who I can have them with. Friends and significant others for the sake of having them though? I haven't felt that way for many years. I remember being attached to people at one point whereas now that's it's been at least over half a decade since.

I say over half of a decade but that's when I last felt a proper range of emotion. The last person I felt that way towards was basically my soul friend growing up. We tried to look out for each other and enjoyed each other's company when the rest of the kids picked on us. During high school, he became more and more stuck up while trying desperately to fit in, to the point where he was blowing me off and trying to impress the same kids who beat him up on the playground. I understood to an extent. I wasn't at school with him so he had to adapt. It didn't make it any less infuriating and insulting that we had become friends out of the habit of having been friends for over a decade. On my 16th birthday, he came over to give me a present in a way where he obviously planned on leaving ASAP. I told him to keep it and that was that. I don't really recall any more emotion than extreme anger. No tears or anything other than being pissed.

StickyFingers wrote:It's like I don't like anyone enough to open myself to them and build a friendship.


I'm willing but it doesn't happen with me due to isolation. I'm trying to move past that.

StickyFingers wrote:I'm a guy, so with the girls.... I find them hypocritical and manipulative most of the time.


I'm a bisexual woman who feels the same way about women. I get along with a few women who I "socialize" with online. All are very isolated types too. I have a hard time thinking of them as women. My brain doesn't like registering them that way. For me, it's as if there are men, women, and then some "better than women but not men either" thing that I and my internet female friends are.

StickyFingers wrote:How are your social lives?


Internet unless you include my boyfriend and therapy.

StickyFingers wrote:How do you deal with people around you?


I'm not sure what you mean here. Before my ADHD was normalized I had issues with being around people for long. Now I can take the folks or leave them without issue. I might have things I'd rather be doing but I don't have social/overstimulated anxiety so I can get through it. Also, I'm good at handling annoying people.
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Re: Socialization

Postby StickyFingers » Wed Jul 11, 2018 8:02 pm

@Holodeck

I understand what you say. It's like none of the "friends" we socialize with are compatible with us. We are not looking for the same type of discussions. This is probably one of the reason I appreciate lonelyness so much. But a the end of the day, it can become boring for anyone to be alone...

I have a similar story with a so call "best-friend". Not as late as couple months ago, we were still speaking to each other every single day. But I think it was just by habit. Conversations were boring, always the same subjects. Today, we text to each other maybe once a month. He lives with some other dudes in a rental house. We've been good friends, but we are day and night if you know what I mean.

I think i'm questionning myself on my situation because I fear the negative consequences of being extremely lonely. I try to figure out, how am I? Who am I? I'm not gonna lie, it's difficult. I feel I can be an amazing person, but i'm not at the right place right time. I don't know, it's so hard to explain how I feel. I can't imagine living like this my whole life. On a side, I'm used to lonelyness and I don't like many persons around me. But when i'm alone, I often think about, should I try to connect with at least one person?


Anyway... damn
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Re: Socialization

Postby Holodeck » Wed Jul 11, 2018 10:05 pm

I feel I can be an amazing person, but i'm not at the right place right time. I don't know, it's so hard to explain how I feel.


I have a lot of that too. I relate that to not ever having a proper support system in general. My parents provided one but in a high stress way where I now drive people nuts if I try to be supportive. It's especially bad if the people are lazy.

I'm like a surly border collie. I think I might have missed my calling as a drill sergeant.

Have you ever felt what you believe should be considered a "good friend" type of kinship?

Aside from that kid I grew up with I had other friends but for a small span of time each. I remember feeling that bond that I can't seem to get to anymore. Every once and a while I'll be reminded of one of them and it's a touching feeling. I never had any bad memories of them but it was so brief. It even happened with a few after him.

I never considered how much that guy may have been a huge cause of why I feel this way. I hadn't quite shut myself off emotionally yet. I was upset, enraged even.

Thing is when I met the guy I divorced, I gave it my all. That guy went from sweet boyfriend who I never had a fight with for a few years to a controlling whackjob after marriage. Seven years of "bliss" later he started describing me as an ice queen after I stopped reacting to his drama.

Suffice it to say I no longer expect more than what each specific moment held in the rest of my encounters. I admit that I hate that though even if it is a safer feeling.
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Re: Socialization

Postby nis » Thu Jul 12, 2018 3:43 pm

I don't socialize (or even email/text/call people) at all, except for forced family interactions. If I didn't experience feelings of guilt and obligation (hammered into me by a borderline parent) I would literally never interact with other people. I have no friends and never experience any desire to have any, and am extremely reluctant to spend time with family members. I only interact with them to avoid the negative implications that would result from completely cutting them off.
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Re: Socialization

Postby StickyFingers » Fri Jul 13, 2018 1:08 am

@nis
I feel. I don't reach to the people. People reach to me, a little bit. A text sometimes, i'm not really that interested. But the difference for me, there's a feeling inside me that tells me I can't live like that all of my life. I don't know if it's the same for you?

@everyone

Today, I told my partner at my job that I would not work tomorrow. I told a long time friend how I was feeling. That I have no interest to hang out with some people. I don't have fun, interest, etc. AND, I felt good about it. Those days when you don't give a ****!
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Re: Socialization

Postby I Dream 5 » Sat Jul 14, 2018 2:12 am

StickyFingers wrote:Am I the only person here to live quit well without friends and a girlfriend?

It's like I don't like anyone enough to open myself to them and build a friendship. I'm a guy, so with the girls.... I find them hypocritical and manipulative most of the time.

How are your social lives? How do you deal with people around you? If there is...


I'm fine on my own. I'm aloof around others by default. I have put more energy into connecting with others lately (believe it or not). Believe me, I'm not going all out by any means. But, I am making an effort. I seemed to have lost my insatiable cravings for alcohol lately (I can't explain it really). I have to put that energy somewhere. And for me, it's been to put energy into being more social (somewhat). The energy has to go somewhere.
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Re: Socialization

Postby StickyFingers » Sun Jul 22, 2018 5:58 pm

I Dream 5 wrote:I'm fine on my own. I'm aloof around others by default. I have put more energy into connecting with others lately (believe it or not). Believe me, I'm not going all out by any means. But, I am making an effort. I seemed to have lost my insatiable cravings for alcohol lately (I can't explain it really). I have to put that energy somewhere. And for me, it's been to put energy into being more social (somewhat). The energy has to go somewhere.


I went out to a friend's house last Saturday. I went to try to see someone, and just have fun. I had fun, but I was drunk lol. And the next morning, I got back home as soon as possible. It was fun but yeah.. on my own I feel as good or even better. BUT I tried.

I hope you feeling good :)
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Re: Socialization

Postby I Dream 5 » Sun Jul 22, 2018 7:06 pm

StickyFingers wrote:
I Dream 5 wrote:I'm fine on my own. I'm aloof around others by default. I have put more energy into connecting with others lately (believe it or not). Believe me, I'm not going all out by any means. But, I am making an effort. I seemed to have lost my insatiable cravings for alcohol lately (I can't explain it really). I have to put that energy somewhere. And for me, it's been to put energy into being more social (somewhat). The energy has to go somewhere.


I went out to a friend's house last Saturday. I went to try to see someone, and just have fun. I had fun, but I was drunk lol. And the next morning, I got back home as soon as possible. It was fun but yeah.. on my own I feel as good or even better. BUT I tried.

I hope you feeling good :)


I hope you are feeling good as well. My cravings for alcohol aren't as great as they once were (they are still there though, the cravings do still come back). Anyway, this is all interesting territory. We'll see where it goes.
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