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I am schizoid

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Re: I am schizoid

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Mon Jul 16, 2018 10:04 pm

Now I am curious about all these interests that nobody is pursuing. My motivation is boredom. I think my avolition is limited to social activities but I guess my reasoning in other areas may be different than normal people. I do in order to gain skills so that I may avoid further social activities. :)
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Re: I am schizoid

Postby emillionth » Tue Jul 17, 2018 3:02 am

"I'm interested" in learning extremely foreign-sounding languages, because... it's cool and I know I could do it. I don't actually do it though, because in reality it's a lot of work. Nowadays I'm more aware that I'm probably not going to actually learn any new languages to the point that I can use them, but from time to time I still think I will, and buy a book on the subject or something like that. I remember I used to be like that with a lot of different things, but I don't remember what exactly most of those things were (which is kind of the point -- they're essentially mental flings). One of the most persistent of those things used to be the idea of making (or at least playing) music as a hobby. I gave up on it (almost) completely a few years ago.

The difference between "thinking something is cool" and "realistically being willing to pursue it" is something I've only been learning very gradually throughout my life, and I'm still very far from mastering it. Though, on the other hand, this knowledge sometimes leads me to the extreme thinking that "it doesn't matter what I like or don't like, because everything is boring once it's not just an idea anymore", which is a problem. I don't feel compelled to turn ideas into reality, because it feels like I would only be ruining them. And then sometimes I catch myself thinking "alright, so I do my boring work to get money so I can have time for myself at my own place so I can... huh... what is it that I do again?"

It hasn't been that much of a problem lately though. Sometimes the devil in the details can be enough to keep you entertained. So I guess that's "what I do": cultivate and appreciate the "devil in the details". As long as I don't feel that my life is boring, it isn't.
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Re: I am schizoid

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Tue Jul 17, 2018 11:04 am

I've tried learning the guitar and new languages but the usual "What the hell am I going to do with this?" creeps in. For me, it has to be an activity that I can see some fairly immediate returns on, usually a skill of some sort. The latest garden venture is one of those things. If I can keep doing it year after year, it will be a first. Spanish could be useful but I don't see myself using it anytime soon. It would be nice to play music but with today's technology, I can listen to almost anything I want, when I want.

I am also in the "Why not." camp. I have noticed a lot of Schizoids are in the "Why?" camp. My time is wasted otherwise so I make some use of it. Other than the independence factor, my mind usually needs to stay busy on something. Those something's that can hold it's attention are becoming few and far between. I wonder if that is when I'll start going insane.
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Re: I am schizoid

Postby Holodeck » Tue Jul 17, 2018 4:39 pm

I enjoyed playing instruments. I know how to play the guitar and piano. I haven't played in years.

I'm mechanically inclined and loved fixing things. Nothing broken ever went long without me attempting to fix it or enjoy seeing how things worked even if I couldn't. Now everything is either thrown out or left alone. I enjoyed helping people fix their cars. I would listen to Car Talk on NPR while doing any number of things listed in here. My dad had a motorcycle that he even trusted me (when I was older) to take it apart and fix any issues it had. He taught me carpentry and about electrical engineering. I helped him and did quite a number of my own projects with those skills.

My favorite things to do during cold seasons used to be crocheting, embroidery, and baking. I no longer bake and have tons of craft kits, but can't bring myself to do anything with them.

I enjoyed participating in social events. Now I try to forget they exist so as not to think about it.

I love art and I enjoyed drawing a lot. I would regularly go to museums. I was especially fond of ancient history sections due to me wanting to originally work in an archaeological/anthropological field. I learned 10 languages by the end of high school and got degrees in college for some due to wanting to travel. A few of those are dead languages. It depresses me when I can't remember something that I would've learned in a level 1 course.

I used to bike, do yoga and tai chi. I no longer do tai chi and my knees haven't forgiven me. Yoga has now become something like desk yoga while I work from home. I do weight training in the laziest yet possibly best way by wearing body weights. I foolishly bought a bike hoping I could get back into enjoying that but rode it once and it's been stored away ever since. Was nice while I was riding but haven't had the self-pushing to do it.

I read a lot but now do so if I have to be somewhere for a long period around people. I have books on my phone that I've started reading that I'll maybe get through some of by the end of this year. I used to devour a book every week. We're not talking small books either.

I loved doing "girlie" things like my nails or hair. I'd wear jewelry occasionally make up. I never went very far with any of it. It'd be like light natural shades but now I can't get into it. I have other people do my hair. I never wear jewelry or makeup.

All of these were part of my personality from a kid through into my mid-twenties.

Nowadays it's either me ruminating while listening to music and being on the internet.
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Re: I am schizoid

Postby mumin » Fri Jul 20, 2018 10:47 am

"Unlike the familiar caricature of the schizoid who is not worried about others and cold, most of the schizoid patients who have become patients have expressed in some of their treatment points their craving for friendship and love."

- Harry Guntrip
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Re: I am schizoid

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Fri Jul 20, 2018 11:04 am

Reminds me of the Vogon poetry session from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Despite his mean callous heartless exterior, he just wanted to be loved, if that were the case.

"So what you’re saying is that I write poetry because underneath my mean callous heartless exterior I really just want to be loved. Is that right? No, well, you’re completely wrong, I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief."
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Re: I am schizoid

Postby Holodeck » Fri Jul 20, 2018 1:45 pm

^I like that analogy. ^.^
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