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Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

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Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby ShowJumpingRabbit » Thu May 10, 2018 2:48 am

How do you conceive of fear of intimacy? Where do you see yourself on a scale from difficulties relating/connecting to absence of interest in others? If you were to paint a picture of intimacy, what would it look like?
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby naps » Thu May 10, 2018 12:58 pm

ShowJumpingRabbit wrote:How do you conceive of fear of intimacy?


I don't necessarily conceive of it. (Wouldn't experience be a better word? ) It comes all too naturally. Even though I'm aware it's a maladaptive way of thinking, I settle into it easily and comfortably, it's like a default mechanism. Unlike some other disordered ways of thinking, it's tough to figure out how to override. It's deep-set. I've gotten used to it.

Where do you see yourself on a scale from difficulties relating/connecting to absence of interest in others?


Good question. Even though I've been experiencing it most of my life, I still toggle back and forth between an interest (as opposed to want) in intimacy with someone and a disinterest/aversion/fear of it. I think this has less to do with being on the cusp of overriding such a fear than it does with other issues I have with other with people that help reinforce it.

I had a job once where I used to operate a forklift. In the lower gears, they're slow and deliberate, kind of like driving through molasses. But when in high gear, the transmission opens up and you can move very fast and smoothly. After loading/unloading or moving stuff around in the clunky, lower gears, it was always a relief to put it in high gear and zip to another dock at 30 mph...it was a freeing feeling, a relief. That's how I view the way I deal with intimacy; emotionally, I'm stuck in low gear. It would be nice to open up and be able to feel relaxed and free about dealing with others, but I have too many pallets of bad emotional baggage to unload before I can do that.

If you were to paint a picture of intimacy, what would it look like?


:) It would definitely be in watercolor. Splotchy reds and maybe oranges (with some red splatter) against a black or very dark purple background. There would be some bright azure or cerulean blue peeking out from behind somewhere that would seem at risk of being obscured.

Are you a psychology student, by the way?
Be nice.
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby nis » Thu May 10, 2018 2:03 pm

ShowJumpingRabbit wrote:How do you conceive of fear of intimacy? Where do you see yourself on a scale from difficulties relating/connecting to absence of interest in others? If you were to paint a picture of intimacy, what would it look like?


Right now, being faced with family obligations, the difficulties I'm being faced with as a result of my lack of interest in others is at an all time high. For me, fear of intimacy is merely the aversion to having to be around people, or even just having to communicate with them via text, phone or email - including family. What I am most afraid of (averse to) is having other people expect/need something from me, and them wanting to communicate with me. As I get older, family obligations increase, and this is sheer torture for me.

My greatest longing is to relocate thousands of miles from civilization, and not tell a single soul where I am going - but this dream will never become a reality now that I am obligated to care for my elderly parents.

When I think of what neurotypical non-SPD intimacy would look like visually, I imagine a yin/yang symbol, one side is pink and the other is yellow, and both sides are moving in a circle and interacting with each other - colors blending to some extent.
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby ShowJumpingRabbit » Thu May 10, 2018 5:36 pm

naps wrote:I don't necessarily conceive of it. (Wouldn't experience be a better word? )


Yes, experiencing would be a better word. But I am also interested in people's intellectualization of it.

naps wrote:Even though I've been experiencing it most of my life, I still toggle back and forth between an interest (as opposed to want) in intimacy with someone and a disinterest/aversion/fear of it. I think this has less to do with being on the cusp of overriding such a fear than it does with other issues I have with other with people that help reinforce it.


Yeah it's all tangled.

nis wrote:When I think of what neurotypical non-SPD intimacy would look like visually, I imagine a yin/yang symbol, one side is pink and the other is yellow, and both sides are moving in a circle and interacting with each other - colors blending to some extent.

naps wrote:It would definitely be in watercolor. Splotchy reds and maybe oranges (with some red splatter) against a black or very dark purple background. There would be some bright azure or cerulean blue peeking out from behind somewhere that would seem at risk of being obscured.


I am surprised at what you guys wrote, I was expecting the picture to be dark.

Intimacy as it is portrayed in movies and TV shows (mostly American ones), I find repulsive. I am not sure whether it denotes a fear of trusting people or an abhorrence of certain conventions you're supposed to abide to in order to look intimate.

naps wrote:Are you a psychology student, by the way?


No, just an amateur :)
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby julllia » Thu May 10, 2018 5:46 pm

I am surprised at what you guys wrote, I was expecting the picture to be dark.

Intimacy as it is portrayed in movies and TV shows (mostly American ones), I find repulsive. I am not sure whether it denotes a fear of trusting people or an abhorrence of certain conventions you're supposed to abide to in order to look intimate.


what do you mean?how is it portrayed?
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby anathegram » Thu May 10, 2018 7:49 pm

ShowJumpingRabbit wrote:How do you conceive of fear of intimacy?

where you are ain't no good unless you can get away from it

Where do you see yourself on a scale from difficulties relating/connecting to absence of interest in others?

I can imagine myself feeling interested in/connected to someone but I don't feel that way towards anyone I meet. I'm not sure whether that implies more of the first or the second.

If you were to paint a picture of intimacy, what would it look like?

Image
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby naps » Thu May 10, 2018 10:44 pm

anathegram wrote:
If you were to paint a picture of intimacy, what would it look like?

Image


That's dignity!
Be nice.
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby emillionth » Fri May 11, 2018 12:10 am

I don't really see it as something I'm afraid of or even averse to. I see it more as a practical incompatibility. The (mostly normal) negative side of it doesn't outweigh the positive one. It's certain to be a burden, and unlikely to be rewarding enough for more than a short while.
Is this now?
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby ShowJumpingRabbit » Fri May 11, 2018 11:20 pm

anathegram wrote:If you were to paint a picture of intimacy, what would it look like?

Image[/quote]

:lol:

julllia wrote:what do you mean?how is it portrayed?


It's hard to explain, it's a very conventional and inauthentic family portrait that is recurrent in average American TV shows/movies (at least that's what it seems to me). If I come across a good example of what I'm referring to here, I'll link it - something is telling me you might see what I mean ?



emillionth wrote:I see it more as a practical incompatibility.


How so?
Last edited by ShowJumpingRabbit on Fri May 11, 2018 11:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Fear of intimacy vs difficulties connecting

Postby emillionth » Fri May 11, 2018 11:24 pm

ShowJumpingRabbit wrote:
emillionth wrote:I see it more as a practical incompatibility.

How so?

Well... The (mostly normal) negative side of it doesn't outweigh the positive one. It's certain to be a burden, and unlikely to be rewarding enough for more than a short while.

:)
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