I am terrified as I am writing this but I feel so much guilt for this incident and wanted to hear what other people think.
I (16F) grew up extremely religious and wasn't allowed to know about sex at all as a child, I didn't even know what a vagina or penis was until somewhere before/beginning of puberty when I got curious and started looking into porn. Nor did I know what sexual assault, rape, or consent was. I don't remember what I found or made me discover this, but I must've seen something about someone giving a girl head, and it made me curious about how it felt. I didn't have hardly any friends at this time, and the few that I did were either cousins (who were all older than me and I rarely saw) or extremely religious people from church. My mom babysat my younger cousins frequently, and I would hang out with them whenever they were here since I didn't get much social interaction. I remember an incident specifically where my cousin who had to be around 5 at the time and I had to be around 11 or so, I have no idea specifically when it was or our ages that's just a guess, were in my room alone and I tried to get her to do what I saw people doing in porn. I feel so awful writing this, I tried to get her to lick my you know what, which she didn't, I didn't try to force her but I'm sure I asked a few times. I know certainly I never touched her or did anything like that. I don't think I had any ill intent I was just genuinely curious, I had no idea that sex was supposed to be between adults or that it had to be consensual and wanted. I am so beyond terrified of ever hurting someone in any manner, and I cannot get over this event. It has haunted me for years and I've nearly had panic attacks about it numerous times.
Did I assault her?? I don't think she remembers but what if she does and she ends up saying something one day?? I'm terrified to think that it could permanently hurt her and she would be impacted for the rest of her life because of me. I'm shaking as I write this and I feel terrible about it and cannot get it out of my head. Any thoughts are welcomed I just want to know what other people think about this.