Constantly Triggered

Everytime I hear of a story of someone being sexually abused (which is very often) I feel so much deep pain and remorse. It’s a reminder of the pain I caused someone, and I know that it will never go away. Can anyone relate? I promise, I promise, I promise, I was only 14, I did not know what I was doing until later. But still. Anyone can relate?

If a good friend was in your situation, do you think there would be a point where you'd tell them that they’ve tortured themselves over it enough? Are you to spend the rest of your life completely stuck on a past event, unable to live?
I think the endless triggering is in part from ruminating constantly on it (probably from OCD), and in part from a lack of acceptance. Working on methods to manage OCD and having acceptance will allow you to live again, but it does also mean carrying it with you. By carrying it with you I don’t mean ruminating on it or getting intensely triggered all the time, I mean that every now and then you will feel sad about it and be reminded of it, but that you also carry on with your day and let the feeling go.
You really have to help yourself here. You are worth helping and clearly you are a good person overall. That means you have to pull yourself out of this. If you destroy your life over this it will be by far the worst thing you’ve ever done.

Catnaps makes a very good point.

sirdylan2 wrote:Everytime I hear of a story of someone being sexually abused (which is very often) I feel so much deep pain and remorse. It’s a reminder of the pain I caused someone, and I know that it will never go away. Can anyone relate? I promise, I promise, I promise, I was only 14, I did not know what I was doing until later. But still. Anyone can relate?

People know what they're doing at age 14.

In a basic way you are right, that people of that age know what they are doing, but that doesn’t mean they fully understand it or have the maturity to regulate themselves as an adult would. This is why globally children are treated differently under law than an adult.

Knowing what you're doing, and having the impulse control to not do it, are two different things, and those things grew on me slowly in the teenage years.