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Sexual Assault or Normal?

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Sexual Assault or Normal?

Postby chaserbolton1014 » Thu Sep 14, 2023 11:25 am

Don't know if this is the right place to post this but looking for some advice. Hey everyone, was wondering if you could help me to understand something that has really been stressing me out. Looking for honest answers.
Well, here it is. A short while ago, was sleeping over at my girlfriend’s apartment when I squeezed her breast and dry humped her as she was asleep. I believe my actions were both conscious and intentional. It is possible I was very groggy/half asleep because it was very early morning and I certainly don’t remember any premeditation, but when I awoke, I felt guilty because I know that people who are asleep cannot consent. I told her about this and she was very forgiving/dismissive as she knows I don’t want to hurt her and our relationship has been very respectful and loving up to this point.
After this I became extremely worried that I had sexually assaulted her and began wondering if there were any other times where I had done something bad not remembered. I asked her and she insists I had never made her do anything that she did not want to do but I did remember one time when I asked her if she wanted me to perform oral sex on her and she said no (we are both religious and trying to save ourselves to some degree). I remember kissing along her torso and kissing the spot directly above her vagina after she said this, which in retrospect seems like pushing a boundary.
I am extremely sorry for what I have done, I would do anything to take my actions back. All I want is to be a good person, but I feel like a scum bag that is taking advantage of her.
What should I do?
Last edited by Snaga on Fri Sep 15, 2023 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: moved to Remorse, no edits
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Re: Sexual Assault or Normal?

Postby catnaps » Sat Sep 16, 2023 9:27 pm

You don't sound like a scum bag or bad person at all to me. In fact, you sound like a good person who did something they regret.

You crossed a line here, but she said there was no harm done and you recognized that you'd crossed a line and told her about it. It also sounds like you weren't in a completely lucid state when it happened, so you should definitely give yourself grace. While it may be a very mild form of sexual assault, it feels harsh to call this event that. I think what's important here is to focus on the actual circumstances; which to me seem like something to feel bad about, ensure never happens again and then move on completely from.
I think given all of this and that you've clearly beaten yourself up about it, it's time to let it go and forgive yourself.
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Re: Sexual Assault or Normal?

Postby Snaga » Sun Sep 17, 2023 2:29 am

Maybe I'm just old school, or just plain old, but assuming that you're sleeping over at her apartment, in the same bed, guessing there's already a sexual relationship going on and assuming it has been for some time, I just don't read much into this. Especially if you were half asleep. I mean, if she'd woke up and been like, 'Not now' okay then but I think you're being unnecessarily harsh, this feels more like enhanced snuggling than anything else. But that's just me.

Having said that, I do appreciate your concern not to do anything to cross a line, but 'scum bag' seems a bit harsh to me. Don't think you're s scum bag.
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