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Did I sexually abuse my sister?

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Did I sexually abuse my sister?

Postby Zenya333 » Sun Sep 19, 2021 12:31 pm

Hello.
With a heavy heart I decided to speak about what happened 10 years ago between my sister and I.
I've been overwhelmed by guilt and I even considered suicide.
I am a 21 year old girl today. When I was 11, my sister was 6. At the time I was a very anxious and sad kid. My parents were too busy to pay us any attention, I was bullied by classmates and I was simply just very lost as a kid. Alongside of that I was also growing up, I started to be more interested in sexual activities. One time me and my sister were laying on bed watching TV and IDK how it came to it but we started to touch each other. She rubbed me through clothes there until I orgasmed and that was my first orgasm and didn't even know it could happen. I then performed the same act on her but stopped cause she didn't feel like it. After it happened I felt shamed and I asked her not to tell anyone. As a 11-year old I thought she wanted it the way I did. I simply thought she was a sexual person the way I was. She also talked about sex a lot (probably got it from school) so that was my stupid conclusion.
In the upcoming years there were like maybe 3 times when we dry-humped each other. She was the one on top of me and I never forced her and sometimes I felt like she wants it more than I. She was wild. When I was 17, she 12 we were playing and she suddenly started kissing my neck. It was like few seconds and then stopped. After this incident, nothing else ever accured.
Today I feel extremely guilty. I know I didn't force her but she was only 6, she might've not even understood what was really happening.
I feel like she is not sexually normal. She is 16 now and she came out as BI. She's not been in a relationship yet and sometimes I feel like she's into weird type of sex. She read 13 shades of gray when she was just 12. I feel like she became super crazy sexual way too quick and I even caught her watching 'daddy daughter' type of porn at the age of 13. She also struggles in school and socializing and she's also obese. I'm afraid it's all my fault although I struggle with similar problems and was also diagnosed with an eating disorder and depression at age of 16.
I feel so guilty. I know I was just 11 but does that really excuse what we did? Please, someone tell me what should be my next step. If I am in fact a sexual abuser, I don't want to live anymore knowing that. I don't deserve to be happy or loved. I've got nothing to live for, really...
Last edited by Snaga on Mon Sep 20, 2021 2:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Moved from Sexuality to Remorse; no edits
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Re: Did I sexually abuse my sister?

Postby Snaga » Mon Sep 20, 2021 2:23 am

Hello and welcome to the forums!

I've moved your post to the forum such topics are most frequently discussed in.

Personally, I do not think at all you've done anything sexually abusive to your sister. It is common for children to perform light sexual experimentation, from what I understand. I remember doing some things like that when I was 11.

Yes, she was a good bit younger, but she didn't like it; and you stopped. Also, the 21 year old you simply can not judge the 11 year old you on this- when our hormones are just starting to effect us, I don't believe we're able to understand appropriate from inappropriate behavior. Kids do things, in other words.

As for her sexual behavior in general, it certainly seems she picked some stuff up from somewhere, since you said she was talking about sex even when she was six.

I know sometimes things that happen to us as children effect us (I know that only too well, personally), but sexual experimentation does happen between children, and most of them I'm sure are just fine even so. My childhood sexual experimentation didn't affect me, as far as I know.

I think it's impossible to prove that she was adversely affected by the few little incidents you two had, and I think you need to forgive yourself and let this go. Kids have done things like that before; kids will continue doing things like that.
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