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should i rather i die?

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should i rather i die?

Postby cursedforever4312 » Mon Apr 19, 2021 4:08 am

So i will just say it shortly i touched my sister twice inappropriately when i was 12 or 13 not more than 14. she was 4-6. i masturbated myself while i did that. also i remember rubbing myself for my sexual pleasure with my sister. i guess she was a toddler. i am 18 now and suddenly i remember what i did.
thank god my sister don't remember any of this.

I am worried. around 5- 6 years ago i was a monster who was capable of sexualizing children. I have never sexualized children but i am worried that monster is still sleeping inside me

so i did that when i saw a female private part for the first time. i literally have no idea what i am doing was wrong and never thinked of the consequences. i never even thought i would be in this situation in my life. i feel like i should never marry. i think i should just die.

i had dreams like having my children one day and now i am worried what if i want to see my daughter nude and what if i did something to her? i really don't want to do anything like that but i am worried i will do it anyway losing control.

i feel like i am a kind of person who is capable of sexualizing children

my pocd making everything worse.
i feel like the person who don't deserve to do anything.

before this when i thought about having my own daughter, i didn't have any fear. but now after knowing i am someone who is capable of sexualizing children freaks me out. now when ever i am imagining of having a child, the images of me doing what i did to my little sister pops in my head and it freaks me out.
I don't know how to move on
Last edited by Snaga on Mon Apr 19, 2021 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: please do not post duplicate topics, thanks
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Re: should i rather i die?

Postby Snaga » Mon Apr 19, 2021 3:16 pm

Duplicate topic- please see


Tell someone today you love them, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also confusing and terrifying.

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