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I've done something unforgiveable

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I've done something unforgiveable

Postby FamilyDisgrace » Thu Apr 01, 2021 11:55 pm

I've just entered my 30s, and I've never felt more guilty, scared, ashamed, and hopeless in my entire life.

I can't even say exactly what it is I did.

But, to be clear, I've never:
Exchanged or solicited nudes from anyone
Touched anyone inappropriately
Forced myself on anyone
Raped anyone (in fact, I'm still a kissless virgin)

But what I did was still sexual in nature. My brain had tried justifying it for almost 10 years at this point, but the true gravity of what I've done and the damage I could've potentially caused has finally sunk in.

I've been spending months contemplating my options. I am planning on going to therapy, but I can't even talk about it to him because I'm convinced he'd report me. The only thing stopping me from just jumping off a building is the thought of what it would do to my loved ones. But the thought of me admitting to any of them what I did is also heart wrenching. My friends and loved ones all see me as an upstanding, caring man who wouldn't so much as squish a spider. There's even a young woman who considers me her personal childhood hero. My parents are living their twilight years in paradise, and if news ever got out, I'm so scared that they'd be ostracized by their community.

The strange thing is I'm still friends with and in contact with two of the three people I believed I victimized, while the third one seems to be living his life in peace and happiness. I want to seek their forgiveness, but I'm not even sure if they realize what I did.

What do I do? I can't just go on and pretend like nothing happened anymore.
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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby Snaga » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:00 am

Hello, and welcome to the forums! I also approved your other post.

Having read it, would you be willing to tell me how old you were when you did whatever it is?
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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby FamilyDisgrace » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:33 am

I was 23 when it happened. Sprock's situation is the closest to what I did, except I wasn't dating and no contact happened.

Are personal messages possible on these forums?
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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby Snaga » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:35 am

FamilyDisgrace wrote:I was 23 when it happened. Sprock's situation is the closest to what I did, except I wasn't dating and no contact happened.

Are personal messages possible on these forums?


They are; however you're still too new to have that functionality. It will come, with time.
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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby Snaga » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:37 am

It sounds as if no one but you seems to be terribly affected by whatever it was- and you mentioned having OCD. I'm the mod over OCD (and I have OCD), I know we tend to blow things up in our mind.
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby FamilyDisgrace » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:52 am

I do have OCD, that's true. But the thing is Ive seen stories similar to mine coming out all over the internet, resulting in ostracism from small communities on the internet at best and getting their personal info leaked to the public at worst.

I've seen the consequences play out seemingly dozens of times at this point and court of public opinion won't pull any punches on me.

The biggest thing separating them from me is that I had no malicious intent or even really [i]wanted[i] to do what I did, but no one is going to care.
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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby sprock » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:14 pm

FamilyDisgrace wrote:I was 23 when it happened. Sprock's situation is the closest to what I did, except I wasn't dating and no contact happened.

Are personal messages possible on these forums?


Yes they are. If you want to PM me about it I'd be up for that.
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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby Snaga » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:23 pm

FamilyDisgrace wrote: resulting in ostracism from small communities on the internet


###$ the internet.

There's a reason the words 'Twitter mob' were strung together. The internet is mob mentality at its worst. Now, I'm speaking from a political (we're not allowed to discuss politics but in this case I'm not discussing it except in a peripheral fashion) standpoint, and not a whatever it is you did that you decided is unconscionable, but when the howling internet mobs go after a person, for whatever reason, there are two things to remember: don't apologise. That's just throwing chum in the water. And there's this special incantation: it starts with F......... and ends in, 'you'.

Works wonders. The internet virtue-signal mob only has control over you, that you give them.

Whatever you did, or think you did- it's probably been discussed in this forum- which I remind you, if you followed the forum rules when registering, is anonymous.

FamilyDisgrace wrote:and getting their personal info leaked to the public at worst


And that's why we demand absolute anonymity- so a person can feel safe to post, here. And nothing will get even a long-time member banned faster, than doxxing another member on here. We do not tolerate attacks on members, especially ones against their privacy. That is absolute.
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby Snaga » Fri Apr 02, 2021 4:23 pm

sprock wrote:
FamilyDisgrace wrote:I was 23 when it happened. Sprock's situation is the closest to what I did, except I wasn't dating and no contact happened.

Are personal messages possible on these forums?


Yes they are. If you want to PM me about it I'd be up for that.


Still not able to, but they will soon.
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Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
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Snaga
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Re: I've done something unforgiveable

Postby FamilyDisgrace » Wed Apr 07, 2021 8:37 am

I'm able to send PMs now. I've sent one to each of you describing what I did.
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