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Inocent curiosity or horrible mistake(OCD)

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Inocent curiosity or horrible mistake(OCD)

Postby Lowkeysad » Sun Aug 23, 2020 7:37 pm

I recently found out I have OCD and need something clarified.

I've spent the last 4 years of my life suicidal, thinking I'm a horrible child molester that needs to die. Here's the story. When I was 12 (mabey just turned 13) I had yet to receive any sex education what so ever. I don't even know If I knew what sex was. Well at this time I used to like to lounge around the house without pants. Really stupid, I know. So one time I was home alone with my sister who was 1 or 2 I turned on a show for her and watched it with her. For some dumb reason I didn't have pants on. I just thought she was so young she wouldn't remember or care. And this makes me gag even typing it but I thought "I wonder what a baby would think of a penis" so I put her hand on my crotch to get her attention. The second I did it I thought it was stupid and let go. She never saw it, I had no sexual Intent, and I felt no pleasure from it. It was just pure curiosity. I never thought about it until I was 15, this was also the time I started to experience the symptoms of OCD. As soon as I remembered it I would cry myself to sleep every night and wanted to kill myself. I love my sister more then anyone and I have a great relationship with her. She even says I'm her favorite brother and best friend. I guess I always worried that I hurt her in some way. Probably the only reason I didn't kill myself was becuase I knew it would hurt my little sister so bad.

Well, recently I was diagnosed with OCD and a thought occurred to me. What if the OCD blew this thing way out of proportion in my mind and mabey I didn't abuse my little sister. I need a second opinion before I can accept the fact I'm not an abuser though. Thanks in advance for any response. Sorry for the bad grammar I was up all night worrying about this thing again.
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Re: Inocent curiosity or horrible mistake(OCD)

Postby sprock » Wed Aug 26, 2020 1:23 pm

I strongly feel your OCD has blown this out of proportion and that this was innocent curiosity and clearly not something htat you would repeat now or has damaged your sister.
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Re: Inocent curiosity or horrible mistake(OCD)

Postby Lowkeysad » Thu Aug 27, 2020 3:25 am

Thank you so much. As you could probably tell I was panicking pretty hard when I wrote that. I've never told anyone about this my whole life so I had nothing to go off of other than my thoughts. I really appreciate hearing what a normal person thinks of that scenario and hopefully I can try to put this thing to rest. :)
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