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Horrible Night Last Night Police Called

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Horrible Night Last Night Police Called

Postby DoDecaDon » Sun Jun 28, 2020 12:48 pm

Hello,

Last night I had a horrible night of depression. It was caused after I realised my Mum would acuse me of things she does. It was a realization about my parents and how they have treated me. There were a lof of realizations last night. It hurt and I lost control in my room and through a plate in my room. Fully accept it was a very silly thing to have done. I was going through a lot of internalized pain. My mums knows I have been talking to abuse lines recently and has started calling me an abuser. It's strange how things that I picked up about my parents (and stupidly mentioned to them) suddenly become things they acuse me of.

My parents came up screeming outside my room to stop destorying the house. They came barging in. There was no empathy or attempts to defuse the situation. I asked them to leave as it was escalating the situation. I tried to close use the door to get them out of the room as they were not leaving without a fighting mach. I lost all control after they would not leave. A big shouting mach happened and Mum threatened to call the police. I paniced not knowing what to do.


How do I deal with this? Mum did not call the police in the end, I did. I was panicing thinking I was the abusive one. I needed an awnser. The police said it was domestic abuse. Am I an abuser? this whole situations feels surreal. All these years I have had to repress my feelings and cope with them. Engery has been at a low. Stuck and isolated. I lose control a lot recently, and I feel like I am now an abuser. I have not shouted at anyone outside my family for as long as I can remember. It's only around my parents that I feel like a horrible person and I become one last night I feel. I feel I was so close to escaping without giving them an out on their abuse. But now I feel I cannot say I have not got a part in it, when I leave I will have the memory that police were called due to domestic abuse. This hurts as I try to be a reasonably decent person, Both therapists I have seen both said I am morally conscious and kind. This really hurts. I feel I have a stain in my history now. I feel like I am not allowed to enjoy my life. My youth is almost over and I have mostly nothing but pain.
A.D.D, Anxiety, Depression
DoDecaDon
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