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Guilt over Boyhood Experimenting

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Guilt over Boyhood Experimenting

Postby JubileeSun89 » Tue Dec 17, 2019 4:39 pm

I have attended counseling sessions, over the past five years, to deal with the PTSD and anxiety caused by sexual abuse as a kid. Over the weekend however, I unearthed a memory that put me into a panic attack, as it had made me a possible abuser, as opposed to a victim again.

When I was 12, I remember coercing my friend into hugging without t-shirts on, laying on top of him occasionally and being curious about how his privates were growing. It was the kind of incidents that some might call 'boys just being curious' or experimenting, however since I remembered this, I can't help but think how those two different occasions might have effected this past friend over the years. As a victim, I know how these hazy, confusing incidents can haunt you for years, so I've really been troubled, questioning whether I instilled the same feelings of guilt, confusion and anxiety that someone gave me.

Despite being a heterosexual guy, who's only ever had girlfriends, I realized (after remembering the above) that the incident has been stored in the back of my mind as something that has generated a hell of a lot of shame. This year, I'll be two years clean of an opiate addiction; one which has tried to mask the trauma of numerous childhood failures and upset.

Should I keep feeling guilty because I possibly inflicted similar emotions on a boy, that I have worked hard to mentally combat?
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Re: Guilt over Boyhood Experimenting

Postby sprock » Tue Dec 24, 2019 12:25 pm

Personally speaking, as you describe your actions, they seem unlikely to have caused lasting trauma, though I appreciate your concern. This is actually the rare instance where I think it would be appropriate to just outright apologise simply and straight-forwardly to your old friend, though others might disagree. I would not normally advise this.

Otherwise, I think you should remember that you were 12 and be kinder to yourself. That is not to say that actions taken at 12 do not have lasting consequences, but that we should hold 12-year-olds accountable **as 12-year-olds** not as adults.
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Re: Guilt over Boyhood Experimenting

Postby jaus tail » Wed Jan 08, 2020 6:56 am

many adolescents sexually experiment. the hormones are raging high around that time n they dont have idea of labels.

its very common what you've done. i dont think you have ruined his life in any way.

maybe discuss with the therapist about this. but its a minor incident that really didnt ruin anyone's life.
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