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Am I a piece of $#%^?

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Am I a piece of $#%^?

Postby Liverchopped » Tue May 21, 2019 10:54 pm

I experienced trauma throughout my childhood, as many have.
My mother suffered dissociatively and married an abusive men. My brothers forced themselves on me sexually and made a sport out of tearing me down. When I disclosed to my mom the horrors of the night, she carried on in life as usual.

As I grew up, I knew I wanted to help people that didn't have a voice. I was passionate and wanted to move forward from my past. I began volunteering and even got a job at an inpatient facility for addiction. I had not sought any therapy for my baggage and was quickly overwhelmed by other's trauma. I began using substances and engaging in one night stands with people I met online. After getting an abortion, I hit a low of depression I had not experienced before. At that job, I had an inappropriate interaction with a 15 year old. It escalated to flirting and touching. I quit the job after realizing what I had done and started looking for a therapist.

Now, years later, I see a therepist regularly and have worked through pieces of my past. I have recently been presented with the opportunity to return to school and get an education in mental health. However, I feel that my past decisions disqualify me from being helpful to anyone. Am I just a terrible person that wants to make up for the $#%^ I've done? Is it absolutely ridiculous to try to become a counselor?
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Re: Am I a piece of $#%^?

Postby sprock » Thu May 23, 2019 10:48 pm

It sounds like you have suffered a lot more than you have inflicted suffering. Reading your story made me sad b/c it's clear that you are a thoughtful human being whose goodness, for a time, was warped by experienced. You clearly aren't a piece of $#%^. In terms of your job role, really it depends upon the kind of position you'll be in and over who. I don't really think it would be appropriate for you to counsel teenagers if I am honest, but you might make a very good counsellor for adults :)
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