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Badly in need of some support

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Badly in need of some support

Postby Throwaway7611 » Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:09 am

(May be a trigger for people with experience with sexual assault)

So a few years ago, I was at this party with a bunch of people and we were all drunk. I leave to go hookup with this girl (we’re both drunk), but she just got out of a relationship. We pretty much only makeout, but there may have been other hook-upy stuff going on (for lack of a good term). Anyways, it eventually becomes clear that she doesn’t want to go further, so we stop there. I can’t help but think that I assaulted her and didn’t stop soon enough before I realized completely what she wanted. A few weeks later, after breaking down and wanting to hurt myself I talked to her about it and she said (this was in a text I still have to try to make myself feel better) “it was pretty scary, no it wasn’t like assault, but you said some pretty hurtful things to me and the people around me that night”. I obviously recognize that I should never have said anything hurtful and that’s ###$ up in its own regard and I have been much better to people recently, but I’m afraid if I did sexually assault her it isn’t worth it to be happy bc I don’t deserve it. I don’t know what to do to feel better and I feel hopelessly lost. No matter what I do I cannot stop obsessing over this thought and it brings me down and does not allow me to feel true happiness.

I’m afraid to go to a therapist because of the sensitive nature
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Re: Badly in need of some support

Postby sprock » Thu Sep 20, 2018 10:39 pm

I think you could benefit from speaking to a therapist about this. From what you've said she was upset/annoyed by your general behaviour when drunken, but does not feel you assaulted her. Certainly I think drinking can impair one's ability to be self-aware, but if what you are describing was reciprocal (with her kissing you back etc.) then I do not believe you have committed sexual assault :)
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Re: Badly in need of some support

Postby Quoth » Fri Sep 21, 2018 3:38 am

To be perfectly honest I think you’re more at risk of a therapist inwardly rolling their eyes than you are of any kind of hostile or disgusted response. :lol:

Provided you stopped when it became clear that those intentions were not appreciated and you didn’t start kissing/groping people out of nowhere I’d say you’re fine.

If in doubt, in the future just ask directly or do it in such a way as to give a clear opportunity to say no, it’s what I’ve always done and it’s never caused me any issues.
as if in a broken jug for one backwards moment
water might keep its shape

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