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Please help - Need some opinions please

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Please help - Need some opinions please

Postby Wed3947 » Mon Jun 18, 2018 4:45 am

Hello, I have an issue with a guilt from my teenage years... I was 17 yrs old, and I would babysit my little cousin who was 11 yrs old, and this one night he had his friend over and I turned on this movie (on HBO) and I knew that there would be porn coming on next, so I acted like I was asleep for some f-ing insane reason of doing this to them, I can honestly say I've been tormented my whole life for something I impulsively did. It is driving me crazy, I love my cousin and would never do anything to hurt him, though I did in this instance, I just am at a loss. I have suppressed a ton from my own childhood, I remember nothing until age 11 or 12, and it was just suicidal thoughts and actions for most of my life as well as drug abuse, so I have a good feeling some unfortunate and ugly things happened to me as a child. Idk if that's why, but if you have any insight, I would surely and truly appreciate it. Thank you
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Re: Please help - Need some opinions please

Postby sprock » Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:00 pm

I'm normally sceptical of the likes of regression therapy, but maybe something like that would, in your case, help work through the buried trauma from your childhood.

While what you did was wrong and inappropriate, your cousin wouldn't have experienced it as violating, I suspect... probably confusing.

While I don't want to resign myself to complete pessimism, the fact is that the majority of children in the West now discover or are exposed to pornography at some point or other. I don't think it's a good situation - not that I'm against pornography per se, but sadly the bulk of what seems to be produced is objectifying at best and demeaning and abusive at worst and leads to unrealistic expectations.

So, the best thing you can do to counter this is to encourage your cousin or anyone else younger in your life to never take a 'no', 'I'm not sure', 'I'm tired' etc. as anything other than a hard no; to always think before trying to compliment a woman about how it's going to come across and their intention; to sometimes read books and watch movies by women, not just exclusively men; to not check a partner's phone or other controlling behaviour...

Simple stuff, but I honestly think encouraging that kind of respectful, human behaviour is the best thing you can do to make up for your transgression! :)
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Re: Please help - Need some opinions please

Postby shock_the_monkey » Mon Jun 18, 2018 12:52 pm

without knowing the exact nature of the pornography, it's difficult to judge this. however, my guess is that this won't have necessarily unduly influenced them. most people have a feeling for what's right and wrong. they also have a feeling for what's real life and make believe. also, seeing things in a detached way is completely different to experiencing them directly.

i remember that when i was 11, a girl i somewhat know who was 2 years older than me thought she could embarrass me my thrusting a copy of page 3 of the sun newspaper in my face. honestly, i was just completely bemused by this. it really had no affect on me at all.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Please help - Need some opinions please

Postby Wed3947 » Mon Jun 18, 2018 1:16 pm

Thanks for the replies, I know what I chose to do was insanely wrong, but I wanted to read about another persons information and opinion on the "Why" behind why I might have done it, because it truly was a compulsive action and the one and only time I ever thought to do some crap like that. I am close and have always been close with my little cousin, and I choose to make up for the possible damage I caused him by just being there for him whenever necessary. His father, my uncle, is and has been an alcoholic, so I try my best to give him advice so he doesnt choose to walk down that road, and will be there if he chooses to with the resources I use for my own recovery. We are both grown now. Back when that happened, I am not sure the type of adult movie it was, I didnt look into it, I just saw it was coming up after the movie I was watching on HBO. Theres been a bunch of incest in my family with what my mother told me and what I experienced growing up, not to make excuses for what I did, but I know that isnt who I am and there had to be some psychological reasoning behind that compulsive action.
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Re: Please help - Need some opinions please

Postby Wed3947 » Mon Jun 18, 2018 1:32 pm

Also, I needed to tell on myself because I can't carry it with me all my life, I don't think I could forgive myself truly if I did. It helps to talk online before telling a person face to face, I'm sure. Thank you guys again
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Re: Please help - Need some opinions please

Postby shock_the_monkey » Mon Jun 18, 2018 5:51 pm

we tend to assume that we're entirely responsible for our actions. it isn't necessarily so. for example, the left and right hemispheres of our brains are constantly fighting for control. usually one is dominant, however, just occasionally the other gets control. this is possibly what happens when people flip out. so, you had a momentary lapse of reason. i've done this occasionally. i've made decisions that, looking back, i just can't explain. possibly i was tired. possibly i was being lazy. who knows. just be grateful that the consequences weren't that serious, as sometimes they can be.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
shock_the_monkey
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Re: Please help - Need some opinions please

Postby Wed3947 » Mon Jun 18, 2018 5:57 pm

Thank you for your insight, truly.
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Re: Please help - Need some opinions please

Postby Dnester » Sat Jun 23, 2018 1:52 am

That just sounds like something a teenager would do. Just a silly hormonal moment. I wouldnt beat myself up over it but I can certaintly relate to needing to know why. No one can tell you that. Only you know why and if you dont remember its best just to let it go.
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