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family sexual remorse

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family sexual remorse

Postby Alpha321 » Mon May 21, 2018 11:29 pm

Hi. I want to share an experience that I had was either 14 or 15. Family background first- my parents

divorced when I was 5. They stayed in contact never had a physically abusive relationship. They were on again off again for years. I have a brother who is seven years older than me. I remember him talking about sex and I even remember watching him sex when I was 12 but he didn’t know I was watching. I also remember me and a friend had sexual contact from the ages of 6-14(he was 1 year younger). We would perform oral sex on each other. I know we both wanted to do it. No one forced anything. If we didn’t feel like it we wouldn’t do it. I have no idea who first started that. I almost think it was me who started in the beginning which makes me question if I was abused when I was younger than 6.

That stopped because it was like we both matured and suddenly realized we shouldn’t be doing it. We’ve not talked about it since. (I am now 22) the incident I am concerned of is this – when I was 14-15 don’t remember which one, my nephew was just put down for a nap (I think he was 2 or 3) I remember laying down with him and sticking my hand down his pants and touching his anus. I never penetrated or tried to. I only remember it lasting a few minutes and it never happened again. (I should add I’m a bisexual male)

I didn’t think about it until age 18. The guilt and memory hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately started obsessing what I had done and panicking about it. I felt the need to confess so I told my fiancé, mom, and Mamaw. All three assured me that it was just an experiment and although it was not okay there’s nothing wrong with me. (My Mamaw and mom were both abused sexually in their early years)

I have pretty good days for the most part. Some days I think about it too much and panic. I guess I’m just seeking some guidance on how to forgive myself. And what is someone else’s opinion on what I done? (I’m a Christian I have worked a job since I was 16, I love my family, I love helping people, and I love my niece and nephews with all of my heart)

Thank you to anyone who responds!
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Re: family sexual remorse

Postby Dnester » Tue May 22, 2018 3:44 pm

I dont think that was within the realm of experimentation because of the age difference. I also dont think you meant to harm anyone. I just think you made a mistake. Sexuality is not black and white. Please forgive yourself. You made a mistake. You have a whole life to live. Dont spend it beating yourself up.
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Re: family sexual remorse

Postby Alpha321 » Tue May 22, 2018 4:57 pm

Thank you for taking time to reply to me. I never have the urge to ever touch a child. I know if I have children what I can do to prevent any of the things I did from happening to them. I just have guilt from it and some days are better than others, so I wanted others opinions.
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Re: family sexual remorse

Postby Rabthekebab » Thu May 24, 2018 10:12 am

OK, firstly what you did was wrong and there is no disputing that. HOWEVER, it is not nor nowhere near the worst thing to do. You were young yourself and at that time hormones can get the better of you. The most important thing here is that you realised what you did and feel remorse. That is the most important thing when making a mistake. Now, you don't have to spend the rest of your life feeling this way, you can forgive yourself because you haven't ruined anyone's life and have shown that you're a good person because you're remorseful. I don't think you're a bad person and I wouldn't want you to feel miserable forever. Time heals all things and it will get easier. You have a full life ahead of you so do yourself a favour, leave this in the past where it belongs and go on to be the best person you can be. If would make you feel better why not put a little something back into society? It might help a little. I wish you all the best and I truly believe you should forgive yourself. Go live life to the fullest!
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