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Lost my daughter to her controlling husband

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Re: Lost my daughter to her controlling husband

Postby timewarp » Sat Jun 04, 2011 6:13 am

Her father (divorced him when she was three) was abusive towards me. It was such a long time ago, could this have had an impact on her. She has never had a positive male role model in her life. Grown up among women only. But I know my depression def had a role to play. I have carried that guilt around with me for years. Because of my past I could never handle rejection and in retrospect I never allowed her to be upset or angry with me, I just could not handle it. I know I am the reason for her being more submissive in relationships, but what to do know? I love her and do not want her to have the same life I had.
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Re: Lost my daughter to her controlling husband

Postby CrackedGirl » Sat Jun 04, 2011 6:46 am

I am sorry you were in an abusive relationship and struggled with depression. The abuse may have had some impact on her it is something that would need to be assessed by a therapist. But what I wanted to say is this is not your fault. The fault lies with the abuser.

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Re: Lost my daughter to her controlling husband

Postby MyWorstNighmare » Wed Jun 08, 2011 4:52 pm

I can relate to your pain and disappointment. My husband and I have lost our daughter to the battle of her husband and His controlling family after 8 years! we have have watched our daughter lose who she is and where she came from and become totally unrecognizable to us.We have tried to reach her for the last 8 years but she jumped into this marriage Knowing the control His mother had over him and his siblings and fell into the pot. After 8 years of verbal abusive and lies from my daughter and her husband and His family My husband and I had to make the decision to walk away. I already had one stroke 8 years ago before this nightmare began and it has taken me all this time to regain my strength and Because of how she has turned into him and beaten me down the last few years she left me no choice but to chose my life and health over her. Im no good to her if I go down for the count. Although I honestly do not think she will ever wake up. She is 38 years old and now after the 2 of them not wanting any children suddenly we want a baby. Im sick to death over this because I told her having a baby isnt going to give her self esteem or make her marriage better and it is a lifetime commitment. She also had no intenetions of telling us she was thinking about this it slipped out of her sister in laws mouth. The plan was to kick my husband and I to the curb before a preganancy ever happened. We have been cut out of her life almost from the start of this relationship, and we have tried every method, from turning the other cheek, to silence is golden, to expressing our feelings and all went ignored. Im tired now and cannot take the abuse any longer. And she has looked at us with such contempt in her eyes these last few months we made the decision to just walk away and let her know we are always here for her but she needs to figure what makes her happy in life and according to her husband (not her) I make her miserable. When I asked her what is it I do that makes her so miserable she has no answer. He calls her retarded, stupid and an F,,ing slob. I have never called her those names but she has accused me of thinking like that about her. She has pushed her anger for him onto Us mainly me, and I cannot do this anymore.
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Re: Lost my daughter to her controlling husband

Postby Stressedmomof4 » Sat Jan 13, 2018 11:23 pm

I am sorry I know this is an old thread but I am going through the same only thankfully my daughter has not married the controlling boyfriend yet ,they have a baby together so I think she feels trapped because of it, he makes her ask permission before doing anything, he is rude to us and does not want her around us and she pushed all her friends away , he is with her all the time so its difficult to have time to talk with her alone and its very difficult.
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Re: Lost my daughter to her controlling husband

Postby Jeannie0402 » Fri Jul 03, 2020 6:14 pm

Oh, you are telling my story. I have a 26 year old daughter. Until a few months ago she was my best friend. 13 months ago she got married to a man out of prison. They needed a temporary place to stay.
Guess where they are. 13 months later, they fight everyday, he has gone after me verbally and threatened me the past few months, and has made sexual gestures. I am afraid. My daughter will not speak to me or tell her husband to stop. She blames me.. I haven't done anything, I don't even know how this all started. Except I asked him to please stop calling my daughter a @@@@@@@. That's when they got mad at me for saying something. Its getting worse. This is a rental house, And I am trying to get out event though this is my home and I invited them here. I have talked to my son and he tried to get through to his sister. No luck and he gave up. I recently had knee surgery and they have fun watching me trying to lift a bag of groceries. My daughter is not the same girl. She treats me terribly to impress him..Im tired of crying
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