I hate being an introvert

I wish I could change who I am.
But I never had confidence in myself, and I do not know how to change that.
I am a good athlete, but I could never make it to the next level because of the inner doubts I have
with myself.
I never dated in high school or college.
Then for 10 years, I was involved with a married woman, and I just learned to accept the fact
that the girl I loved, was sleeping with another man every night.
When I met my wife, she initiated the first date.
At least she saw something good in me.
BUT - when we would go out in groups, or if we were invited to a party, I would go into this shell.
People thought I was mute! I was very socially awkward.
I hate knowing that my wife was not invited to events because of ME. They would invite her for sure, but did not since they knew I would come along.
She lost friends because of me.
Of course, my lack of confidence seeped its way to the bedroom, to the point where I felt I could not satisfy my wife - so someone else should.
For several years, I pushed my wife to have sex with other men, which is something she would not have done if I had not pursued it so much.
I knew other guys would be better sexually for her, that is what my lack of self-esteem told me.
Anyhow...here I am. We have relocated, and I thought I could "re-invent" myself somehow.
But I am still the same overly-quiet guy as I have always been.
How can I change?
How can I get confidence?
Someone told me to just "be more outgoing" lol
That is like telling a short guy to be tall, or a righty to be a lefty.
It is just not me.
I did go to a therapist awhile ago, who ended up giving me some bad advice.

I just hate that I thought that things would "change" in a new surrounding
I am still me. I am still too quiet I know my wife needs "more" when it comes to sex.

How can an introvert like me get some confidence??

Ok, so I have two questions because I am not clear on it.

Did your wife actually have sex with other men, per your instructions? How did she feel about the experience? It seems like you were pushing her about your lack of confidence in bed. Was it a problem for her?

Have you thought about therapy together? So she can express her feelings too?

Obviously, married or not you still have self confidence issues.

I still think you need therapy. I am sorry your previous therapy wasn't good. There are certainly bad therapists out there.

Being outgoing doesn't cure self confidence issues. I have known outgoing people who had little confidence. Confidence comes from building a better self image. A good therapist will work with you incrementally. Building a better self image is about learning why you feel the way you do about yourself and slowly exposing yourself to situations that challenge you to understand what is happening when you start to feel down about yourself. Awareness of these things will help you build confidence.

O.

Thank you for your response.
I have thought about going back to therapy - but all the articles and books I have read about it, pretty much say that confidence has to come from within. I just do not think talking to someone will find that for me.
I knew my wife was not happy with our sex life, and we got into "roleplaying" about her being with other men, which helped a little. She wanted no part of actually pursuing that, but after years of telling her she should do it, she finally gave in.
She was only with 3 men total, but one of the guys ended up being her sex partner for almost 2 years. He understood what his job was, and never tried to interfere with our marriage.
And honestly, when she was with other men, I was almost relieved. At least she was being taken care of that way, I was happy for her - and she was a lot less frustrated.

Now we have moved, and I thought for sure I could reinvent myself somehow by starting over.
But I realized wherever I go - I am still me. Dull and boring.
We had a "date night" the other day, and there were definitely guys showing interest in her. We have talked about starting that up again for her, but that is not really a solution, right?

I guess I keep expecting thing to change, but unless I do, nothing ever will.

To me, it does not sound like you "are an introvert". More like you have self-confidence issues. What you have can be changed. What you are cannot be changed.

Have you looked into cognitive behavioral therapies? From experience, they help a lot especially if you find the specific version that is adapted to your situation.

Jd8158,

You seem to be a very humble person. That is a very important quality.