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My GF broke up with me

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My GF broke up with me

Postby Ender13 » Sun Nov 27, 2022 4:46 pm

We were dating for 1 year and 4 months me (26M) my ex (23F), 1 month ago she broke up with me.
I tried to find out why, she just stated that ist happy anymore and is uncertain of what shes feeling she said.

I only regret the 4 mistakes that I’ve done in this time of relationship:

1. First mistake was I didnt introduce her to my friends. Which raised kinda a red flag for her. But there is a thing, that she is very very shy around new people, I knew her very well, and once I did introduce her to 2 of my friends, everyting was fine, but afterwards when I asked her “How did u feel around my friends?” She replied “I didnt felt to well, cause they didn't take me into account that much, I felt marginalized.” From then I tried to control everything around me and her, she has this thinking that she will be judged wrong about new people around her, I tried to protect her. But sadly in the end she thought that I dont want to introduce her to my friends and she was thinking that I keep her only for sex and for my satisfaction. All I wanted was to protect her from bad judgements.

2. Second mistake was; she was very skeptical of me that I would cheat on her, I dont blame her attitude cause she had one relationship before me and didnt went that good, I didnt want to ask that much from her past though. Like I was saying, from her likely “paranoic” behaviour, she took my phone, and went through all my messages of course she didnt find anything, (except for 1 thing that we sorted it out and was my university colleague).

3. My 3rd mistake was. when we held arguments between us, I was the only one that ran away from fights. OFC I didnt dodge her for days or weeks, I just wanted to clear my mind and come back within 30 - 40 min to discuss. I did it several times, but the last time I was very sorry and told her that I will change and wanted I prove it with facts. She always tells me when I do this that "I always run from problems." Told her I will change this behaviour.

4. My 4th mistake. At some point in our relationship she asked if I look at porn movies when were apart. Ofc I told her the truth and said "yes". She kinda got upset and we discussed, she told me that "I didnt want to look at porn movies cause I respect you.". At that point I felt really bad about it and told her that "I wont make you feel like you don't deserve me, or betray you with somebody else." After a few weeks we went on vacation and she decided to look in my phone again. She opened tik-tok and went through my liked videos and saw a few tik-tok with girls. After that she got really upset and we went on a pretty bad fight, at some point we calmed down and she told me "Now I feel insecure and I dont think that I'm enough for you." and I told her that "I cannot deny that I see other people beautiful but that dosent mean that I love them or I want to betray you with them. If you did the same thing, that you like other men or looking at porn I wouldn't get that mad as long as you love me." When we arrived from our trip after a few weeks I saw a notificaiton tinder logo on top of her screen. I told her "Whats up with this notification, I know it's tinder cand I look into ?". She gave me her phone and it was my first time looking at her phone and it was tinder but she had a completely random photo, random name and random age. She told me that she installed it so that she can spy me if I got tinder. I was amazed... "Told her I don't want to betray you."

But she still dosent believe me and broke up with me. Told me that she felt distant.

I begged her that she is making a mistake, and stated that I still love her and wanted to get over this obstacles together, I cried in front of her when she gave me the news. It was a tough day.
She said that she will help me get over the pain and sorrow, but of course I told her she is making it worse. I told her that I dont want to talk to her anymore. And that I dont want to be in friend zone.
We kept seeing eachother. I tried to go to her university once, cause she was dodging me and was rescheduling the dates. I waited outside the uni, to talk to her. But she perceived me that I stalk her to see if she is seeing another guy. I told her that she was dodging me that's why I came up. Now she is scared that I'm stalking her... She said that "Now if u did this, I dont know what you're capable of, and I'm afraid."

Its this relationship salvageable ? I want to know how if it’s doable. (sry for my bad english, not my main language)
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Re: My GF broke up with me

Postby Otter » Sun Nov 27, 2022 9:36 pm

I don't think that some of those mistakes you listed were entirely your fault. If I may be so bold, I think she is a bit insecure, perhaps from being hurt by previous relationships. That's fair.

Trust is a difficult subject. If two people don't have the same temperaments about it, in other words, one is less trustworthy than the other, or one is not able to trust as easily as the other, then the relationship is going to have trouble.

The ability to trust is a personal thing. In other words even before we date we must consider if we are able to trust and if we are able to open our hearts up knowing that nothing it 100% assured.

Anyway, to answer your question. If she absolutely does not want to date you now, then you should probably honor her wishes. But she should honor yours as well if you don't want to see each other as friends.

If she is open to the conversation then you can try to set up some sort of agreement, and follow that agreement to help build trust. The bottom line is if you are a trustworthy person and she is unable to trust you, what happened in your post will happen over and over.
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