Our partner

Seeking advice about a unique situation

Open Discussions about Relationship Issues.

Seeking advice about a unique situation

Postby ParaDad » Sat Nov 28, 2020 8:22 pm

I went to Reddit with this and they actually thought I was trolling. I guess I could've worded the Reddit post a lot better. But it made me seek out a place where people might be who have had similar experiences.

I'm in a LDR relationship with a partner that shared with me she has used exploit tools on her ex that a detective friend gave her access to. Now, to be fair, this guy is a complete dirtbag of a human and he deserved it. So, she never admitted it that she does it to me, but she did admit she did it to her ex. Now, 8 months before she told me, I had suspected she had put something on my phone, but I thought I might just be paranoid a bit so I let it go.. At that time 8 months ago, she knew about my conversations with friends, family, even my surfing habits. Then when I started asking about how she knows these things, they haven't been brought up again. Then she shared with me the thing about her ex. Like I said, her ex is a complete ass of a human, to say the least, and I think whatever she experienced with that situation has probably affected how she views other people or men.

I guess I'm seeking advice on how to just ask her directly in a non-confrontational way that doesn't trigger her in any way. I guess Reddit deals with troll accounts more, so I can see how this might look there lol But this is very much a real situation. It is a real worry I have. And I want to bring it up in a way that is healthy way before we move in and take the next big steps in life together.
ParaDad
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2020 8:01 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 6:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Seeking advice about a unique situation

Postby Snaga » Sun Nov 29, 2020 3:28 am

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

Well I'm kinda avoidant, passive-aggressive and non-confrontational, so....

If it were me and I could afford it, I'd either brick that phone, and start with a new one, or backup my photos, etc, and do a factory reset and start over. Knowing me, I'd want to brick that one and start over, but a factory reset would probably be good enough. Then I'd not only put a lock on the start screen but I'd set it to need a lock to just boot the thing.

But that's just me. I used to work in a plant, and I wouldn't have a phone that I didn't have a lock enabled.

Then... I'd wait and see if she said anything. :twisted:

Oh, I got a new phone! And the other one I think I had someone at (work, whatever) messed with it, so you know, lock.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 16267
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 6:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Seeking advice about a unique situation

Postby ParaDad » Mon Nov 30, 2020 3:44 am

Thank you for the welcome and advice. I do plan on starting with a new one. Having to get a startup pin different from my lock pin makes sense too. I plan on bringing boundaries up into the conversation somehow too. I am trying to balance those boundaries with my feelings I have for her. I am very weird about my privacy.

Thanks again for the response.
ParaDad
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Sat Nov 28, 2020 8:01 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 6:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Seeking advice about a unique situation

Postby Snaga » Mon Nov 30, 2020 6:12 am

It bothers my partner that I have a lock on my phone but I do. I have to have some privacy, even if I am not... doing anything untoward.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 16267
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Sat Jan 16, 2021 6:45 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Relationship Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests