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OCD affecting my relationship

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OCD affecting my relationship

Postby Deadpan23 » Fri Sep 04, 2020 12:35 am

So. I'm engaged and my partner is poly, which I don't mind. However, there are things my partner does and I become easily frustrated. I hide my feelings though because they tend to self deprecate themselves and I've just always been afraid to share how I feel with other people. I, personally, try to stick to a tight schedule for myself and I just like keeping my life and environment, neat/tidy. This includes how I eat, especially since I've been trying to lose weight, and how I spend money. There's just a bunch of little things my partner does, that's starting to accumulate into a bigger issue. The biggest thing is that they will say they want this/that or agree to do something, and just do the exact opposite. They mention how they want to lose weight as well as eat healthier, for instance, and then ask me to buy a bunch of unhealthy food. We also talked about going vegetarian. I also tend to spend more money on food, than they do. Generally I spend up to a hundred dollars or more every week on food. Usually because they want takeout. They spend about 40/50 bucks on food, every 2 weeks. One time, we went shopping and they insisted we split the bill. Even though almost everything they bought, was specifically for them. Whereas I try to buy stuff for both of us. They also complained about the bill, saying they spent more than they wanted to. Even though I literally do that every week, but don't complain. They even overdrew my account, after I told them how much I had left to spend. I don't even get a thank you or any kind of sign of appreciation for doing stuff for them. And I hardly ever ask them for anything. Plus, I do stuff without asking. Today, I was asleep after work, because I get up at 5 AM, and they woke me up. They were affectionate, but then asked, "Did I tell you I was going out today?" I said, "No." They said, "Yeah, with [other partner]." I said, "Oh. When will you be home?" "I don't know. Later tonight." Then they said, "I'm going out tomorrow too." I said, "Oh. Um. Okay. Have fun, I love you." Usually they tell me the day before or days in advance. They told me about this as they were leaving in 15 minutes. With my OCD, I'm constantly trying to find new ways to organize my things and I try to clean at least once a day. They don't clean at all, in fact, I pretty much do all the chores. Except, they'll take out the trash or something if I ask, though most the time, even if I ask, it's not done. Only, when it's convenient for them. It's hard for me to confront them about these issues because I love them and I feel loved by them, but it's just frustrating to deal with their sloppiness, essentially.
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Re: OCD affecting my relationship

Postby Snaga » Fri Sep 04, 2020 3:19 pm

Hello, and welcome to the forums!

I will give advance warning, that I might move this to Relationships- if I do, I will leave a shadow link here.

I haven't seen exactly how your OCD is directly affecting anything you're written?

Pardon me for a little tough love, but from the outside, this looks like a partner that has their cake, eats it too, then hands you the tab. I mean, if you'd posted this in relationships, I'd suggest this person takes advantage of you. None of us are perfect, and I'm hardly a perfect partner- far from it- but so far I see a list of cons, and the only pro is that they make you feel loved- but you haven't enumerated how they do. I sure don't see anything in that post.

Deadpan23 wrote:I hide my feelings though because they tend to self deprecate themselves and I've just always been afraid to share how I feel with other people.


I've known people like that- and they tend to choose partners that take full advantage of that, sweetie.

I don't like being so blunt about it, but they sleep with whom they want, they want you to pay for the food, they do what they want. Relationships are a compromise. I'll grant I don't do much about the house, but I do pay 95% of the bills, at least. If I were as you've described your partner, mine would have left, or thrown me out, and I wouldn't blame them.

After writing this, I think I am going to move this thread- I'll leave a shadow link in OCD, but I think you will get more visibility in Relationships. Take away the OCD, and this does not look as if it's a good relationship for you. Don't let OCD be an excuse for being walked on.
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Re: OCD affecting my relationship

Postby thegentlepath » Fri Sep 04, 2020 4:47 pm

Hi Deadpan23,
What did you expect?

I think I get where you’re coming from with the OCD, maybe. Do you need a daily routine to function optimally? And when last minute things happen it throws you off track?

Maybe you’ll become habituated to your partner’s lifestyle over time? Or maybe you have different, incompatible life goals?

I’m no internet relationship expert though.
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