What do I have? What is wrong with me?

around 2 or 1 1/2 years ago I found a chatting app (which I won't name) where there were communities you could join. One day I joined a general discussion one and over the next year or so I became a promident member of the community and had some "relationships" with people which I won't get into much. Most of them were around 1-3 months. I met this guy on a chatroom within the community and formed a "relationship" with him even though I've never seen him,heard him,or anything really. He was literally just text, I didn't even know much about him either. But I formed a strong connection to him, something unlike all the others. I got really jealous and anxious whenever he would talk to someone else. I tried to control him,tell him to talk to me more. I was obsessed with him,even though he was just text. I woke up someday and realized I was spending all my time worrying and talking to people on this app. I just deleted my account,right then and there. I also had discord and deleted that too. I tried to forget it all and let it go. Yet 1 year later I still think about him and my brain wants to talk to him,but I keep telling myself no. I know that if I go back I'll just get sucked back in to that hellhole of a place. I tried to create a different account with a different name saying that my account was a character and not real. I don't know why I did it or if anyone even saw it. Is it a coping mechanism to justify my actions? (sorry if it's a little disjointed or weird in some places,I've never really shared this with anyone,and there are so many more details I could get into),

It sounds like u are lonely and could do with some friends. I hope u can find some help and company here x

Willow

weepingwillow wrote:It sounds like u are lonely and could do with some friends. I hope u can find some help and company here x

Willow

I have plenty of friends,just none that I can talk about this to. There was this real emotional bond I had with him,if he didn't have one with me. Was it because it was my first time feeling like this? I kinda just abruptly left one day with loose ends everywhere. just abandoning everyone I've ever met on there. I'm trying to forget about all that but I cant. I miss him but I force myself not to. it's just too silly to cry about but I want to. I baffle myself with the idea of falling in love in just text,yet here we are. thank you stranger.