Our partner

Dealing with infatuation and rejection fear

Open Discussions about Relationship Issues.

Dealing with infatuation and rejection fear

Postby Blaport » Thu Aug 06, 2020 2:10 pm

I’m a 30YO gay guy and for most of my adult life I’ve experienced repeated patterns of infatuation episodes; where I held high expectations for another guy, hoping to feel loved, secure and complete. because I felt like there’s something inherently damaged inside of me and getting to know someone intimately seemed like the “perfect” way of escaping these harsh and insecure thoughts. Pointless to mention that I’ve always ended up being heartbroken and disappointed since I couldn’t find my desires reciprocated. I’m in a very sensitive period in my life right now and I met someone a couple of weeks ago,we were hanging out 2 times and slept together hugged. I really want to see him again and I’m constantly thinking about wanting to reach him out again but I’m afraid to be rejected plus, my rational tells me that since I was the one who took the lead so far and because he hasn’t texted me or tried to reach out since last week, I should let it go because there’s no reciprocity. Given my above mentioned pattern, should I just let it go or make an effort? I believe that this shows disinterest from his side yet, that fact that I’m so afraid of experiencing a heartbreak- does that mean I should avoid contact with him?
Blaport
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 1:59 pm
Local time: Wed Oct 28, 2020 10:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Dealing with infatuation and rejection fear

Postby Snaga » Thu Aug 06, 2020 5:10 pm

Well I'm sure you know this, but I'll mention it's been noted to me, that if a person isn't already happy with themselves and expects being with another person to 'fix' them, then... you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Been there and done that and didn't fix me, even though I'm still with that person and have no intention of not being with them. I just now realise there's no fixing me, unless I do it myself.

Just on general principles, if they hadn't reached back out to you and sent a clear message of 'I like you and want more of this' I'd... well, if you've sent a text or tried to call since y'all spent the night together, but they haven't answered back, well, yeah I'd say maybe time to throw that fish back.

Now OTOH if you've been waiting on him to make the next move post-night together, well he might be waiting on you. I don't think it'd be unreasonable in that case, to check up on him.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 15406
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Wed Oct 28, 2020 3:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Dealing with infatuation and rejection fear

Postby Snaga » Thu Aug 06, 2020 5:11 pm

And as far as fear of rejection- you have to not let that bother you. I.. got nowhere with anyone, until I stopped worrying about being rejected.
Image

Tell someone you love them today, for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon, for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

We do not delete posts.
Let it go.
Without (forum) rules, we all might as well be up in a tree flinging our crap at each other.
User avatar
Snaga
Site Admin
 
Posts: 15406
Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2014 1:58 pm
Local time: Wed Oct 28, 2020 3:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Dealing with infatuation and rejection fear

Postby Blaport » Thu Aug 06, 2020 6:53 pm

Thank you so much for you quick reply. I know I shouldn’t be afraid to be rejected. But, somehow I believe that if someone likes you than he would make sure you know it. I was making sure he knows I like him because I was the one who suggested meeting up in first place and the one who suggested meeting again, while I was under the impression he’s showing quite an indifferent approach to it.

So basically my rational is fighting with my emotional and I’m left with a headache and a unmet craving:/
Blaport
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Thu Aug 06, 2020 1:59 pm
Local time: Wed Oct 28, 2020 10:01 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Relationship Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 23 guests