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Relationship is Changing

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Relationship is Changing

Postby bluemoonmystic » Thu Mar 12, 2020 5:45 pm

Hello and thanks for helping me out with this. I was married for a lot of years and got used to a man that gave me everything I wanted. Yes, I was spoiled but I spoiled him too. We only got divorced many years later when he developed serious psychological issues that he refused to get help for. So I started dating other men and I found the same things. Men willing to give me a lot and go out of their way. Then I met a man I believed was perfect for me and we have been dating for 5 years. He is the opposite. He will give but not a lot. He is not a complimenting person. He will hardly ever say hey you look beautiful. His philosophy is I already told you that you're beautiful why would I need to keep saying it. He puts himself 1st a lot. I give freely and 100% but he doesn't. When I say give I mean of his time, attention, etc. Basic relationship stuff. He's very different and has unique views on things. We started out super into each other and got very close fast. He was super jealous of other men and always texting me. This went on for 3 whole years. He was great in bed too. Then he got involved in a spiritual group and everything changed. This became his every day priority. He calls them his family. He used to say good morning every day now he doesn't. I only hear from him at night when he calls after he's done with everything or if I text him a question. We spend the weekends together but it's always interrupted by this group. He always has to run to them. He's texting them at all hours. He says he's too busy to say hi in the morning but he's on FB messenger answering his group's messages. I have been put in the back seat so to speak. When I told him I'm not a priority anymore he got pissed off and told me I am negative and it wasn't true, he's just much busier now. When I told him he's lazy in bed he got pissed and said it's just because of his stomach surgery, which to me is an excuse. It was over 3 years ago. The passion is still there but he's become very lazy and has let a lot go for this group. It's always on his mind even in bed. He's always thinking what he needs to do next, what ritual, what event, what meeting. He's a good guy and we have fun and tons in common but where I was once always on his mind and he was always involving me and contacting me now it's about half that. He won't move in with me and says it's because of me. That I don't communicate well and other excuses. To me he uses these excuses so he can go do whatever he wants with these people and not feel guilty. If it's my fault then he doesn't have to feel guilty. He keeps telling me everything is great but for me I feel like an afterthought and less of a priority. I was told since this will not change I have to either put up with it or leave. The reason I am writing here is because I don't know if this sort of thing is normal. Like I said above I was always spoiled and it was over the top so maybe this is normal and I have nothing to compare it to other than guys who spoiled me. I'd hate to leave if this is normal but I am starting to feel like an option and I don't like it. We broke up twice because of this and both times he wanted to be free but then chased me to get me back. I know he loves me but is love enough? Also, the dating scene is awful and I don't want to leave something decent for something worse. Not sure how to handle this. Thanks!
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