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How to mend relations with neighbours?

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How to mend relations with neighbours?

Postby Jerril » Tue Feb 18, 2020 6:47 pm

About a year and a half ago, I came home from work and heard what sounded like a band practicing across the street (crash, thump, twang, etc). I went to bed a bit early; I had a stressful day at work and just wanted to get to sleep. But, I could still hear the thump thumping of the band.

So, I went through my head what to do.... in my experiences in the past, dealing with rude, noisy neighbours while staying in motels, they always want to negotiate: "We'll only party for another hour... c'mon...," or, "Why don't you join us, have a beer," etc, etc. Unfortunately, in my experiences the cops rarely come out on a call for noisy parties given the other more pressing matters in my town. So, I thought maybe I needed to make some kind of statement. I thought I'd just go over and shine my flashlight into their window, then leave. No talking, just give them a sign that I'm bothered by their loud noise.

So, I put on my clothes, grabbed a flashlight and went to go investigate. To my amazement, the sounds was not from across the street, it was from two and half blocks away! They were playing amplified music in someone's backyard. And, when I arrived, I got more pissed off since they were middle aged people, not just some teens or younger adults who should know better.

So, I walked up to the band, who were playing in the middle of a crowd of people and I shone my flashlight in their eyes, one at a time. I knew the lead guitar player and he said my name and "what the f**k?" with a sad look in his eyes. Someone from the crowd said "What the f**k?" as well and someone tried to grab my arm. I twisted away. Then I left.

Another person I knew (I live in a small city), a woman in her mid to late thirties, followed me and asked me if I was trying to sleep. I was flabbergasted at her question, as if it was OK to be playing amplified music (like a rock concert or in a bar) outside despite the neighbourhood deserving their peace and quiet. I turned to her and said "Is it OK to fart in elevators?" (haha... it's kind of funny in hindsight, but at the time I was really ticked off).

So, then I went home, a bit shaken. The music didn't stop, either. But, to their credit, they did stop at 11pm. Kind of a bunch of jerks but not total scum either.

Anyway, the lead guitarist, whenever he sees me, gives me a smile and says "how are you?" It's weird. I'm not too worried about our relationship, more with the lady who tried to "reason" with me. I've known her for years, lives near me, we walk the same routes, her with her dogs, and we've talked on many occasions. I always thought she seemed like a nice person. I feel a bit bad about the whole thing and feel awkward around her now, obviously. The day after the incident, she stopped her vehicle when I was walking and asked me if I needed a ride. I just looked at her in disgust and turned away.... We do say hello but it feels strained. I'm assuming she's wanted to talk.

The whole thing feels odd to me. I feel bad, because the flashlight I was using, I shone it into my own eyes after to see what it would've felt like and it was much brighter than I bargained; the new LED bulbs are really intense and you see spots after. I doubt that I did any permanent damage to anyone's eyes, and I really didn't mean to be so aggressive. I was very nervous when all this occurred and over-reacted.

I learned a lesson from it all; aggression and quick reactions doesn't really solve problems. It's assertiveness, responsiveness and calm that go farther, I think, in almost every situation.

I still debate with myself whether or not to talk to the woman about the situation, or just leave it as is? I'm still pissed off that grown adults would act like that, just take over a whole neighbourhood with their outdoor concert like that (and, to be honest, I don't think it even sounded that great - LOL) It's not that I want to be these people's friends, not the band anyway. I might wish for easier interactions with the woman. But, really... I just can't believe they would do all that in the first place. I'm not sure how to approach all this. On the one hand, I still harbour a grudge, rightfully so, but on the other hand, I feel like I owe apologies but don't want to make them believe that all the wrongfulness of that evening is on me.

Any insights would be welcome.

Thanks in advance, Jerril.
P.S. This behaviour on my part is not a normal or frequent thing, either. Just a lot of stressors built up at that time.
P.P.S. I only saw one other person in the crowd, it was dark, and I didn't spend time looking at them, either. I'm not sure who else was in the crowd, but there were probably others who recognize me around town and maybe they think I'm an a**hole. I guess I just have to not worry too much about all this. Am I overanalyzing?
Jerril
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