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Would you still talk to your mom if she did this?

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Would you still talk to your mom if she did this?

Postby RNails » Thu Dec 19, 2019 6:21 am

My mom is religious crazy. By that I mean she travels 2 hours to someones basement and worships with someone she calls the prophet of god. She is closed minded, talks about illuminate and baby sacrificing, and says that PHD psychologists were taught by Man and their education means nothing. All of our life she has spit hatred and condemnation at my two sisters and I. Basically we could do nothing right and she was constantly telling us we were not good enough, not living right by god, had the devil in us, not raising our children right. Just a constant bullying backed by the Bible. I have tried to have an adult relationship with her but it's like every other conversation leads to her ranting about politics and religion. My sisters stopped talking to several years ago and I spent 3 years not talking to her as well.
I decided to give her one more chance to see if there is hope for her so I called her recently to try to have a relationship. The conversation went sour very quickly and it seems like she is even more crazy and closed minded than she was before. I asked her to sit down with us kids and a psychologist but she refused. She said she would never sit down with a secular psychologist. I tried to explain to her that I do not want to listen to or allow my toddler to deal with the persecution and bullying that we had to deal with from her. A good example is my son goes to toddler yoga classes and he loves them. During our last conversation she started ranting that Yoga is of the devil and evil and that we should never let him go to those classes. Crazy $#%^ like that is why I have shielded my son from her and he has never been around her. He doesn't even know she exists. She is my mother and I decided to do all I can to try to make it work. So I gave her an ultimatum. I proposed that we try to rebuild our relationship with a rule that we do not discuss politics or religion at all. And that she does not discuss those things with my toddler. I asked her if she could respect my wife and I as parents and not try to undermine us or persecute our child. She refused. She said she will never stop talking about god. So I told her good riddance and that will probably be the last time I ever speak to her again.
Do you think it is acceptable to block out a parent who is crazy and closed minded? Would you talk to you mom if she refused to not respect you as a parent and refused to have a relationship with you unless you allowed her to preach?
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Re: Would you still talk to your mom if she did this?

Postby DaturaInnoxia » Thu Dec 19, 2019 9:19 am

You know you're own answer by the emotion that's infused through your post.
I'm assuming you've also discussed this with your wife and are utilizing the psychologist you wanted everyone to go to together.

Does your mom have a mental health diagnosis?

You don't need anyone's permission to walk away from someone who harms you psychologically (or harms you in any other way obviously) - even if it's your own mother.

Sounds like another element of this is that your other siblings have already cut out, and if you do, she'll have to continue on in the bed she made for herself....?

Unless you're here to be a martyr, "to thine own self be true" (and true to your wife and children, of course).

I may be wrong, but it also sounds like you're responding to more than the phone call you had with her, so giving yourself some time to let the "dust" resettle might be ideal before you speak to her even if it's to say she's no longer welcomed in your lives.
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Re: Would you still talk to your mom if she did this?

Postby xdude » Thu Dec 19, 2019 12:09 pm

On a personal level, I tried to communicate with my parent, but understood, at some point the religion and magic BS just becomes too much, and time to step aside. Your sanity matters too, and actually, matters more because if you get caught up in this nonsense, neither of you has a chance.
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Re: Would you still talk to your mom if she did this?

Postby RNails » Fri Dec 20, 2019 8:50 am

DaturaInnoxia wrote:You know you're own answer by the emotion that's infused through your post.
I'm assuming you've also discussed this with your wife and are utilizing the psychologist you wanted everyone to go to together.

Does your mom have a mental health diagnosis?

You don't need anyone's permission to walk away from someone who harms you psychologically (or harms you in any other way obviously) - even if it's your own mother.

Sounds like another element of this is that your other siblings have already cut out, and if you do, she'll have to continue on in the bed she made for herself....?

Unless you're here to be a martyr, "to thine own self be true" (and true to your wife and children, of course).

I may be wrong, but it also sounds like you're responding to more than the phone call you had with her, so giving yourself some time to let the "dust" resettle might be ideal before you speak to her even if it's to say she's no longer welcomed in your lives.


My wife doesn't care. I gave her the audio recording a month ago and she still hasn't listened to it. We have our own issues... I believe my mom has a mental health disorder but she refuses to go to a psychologist so she hasn't been diagnosed. My sisters are done with her. I had hoped that I could convince her to get help but she is just lost mentally. The only thing that matters to her is god and she has made that clear to us. She is perfectly fine with dying alone because heaven is all that matters anyway.

On one hand she's this abusive controlling crazy woman but on the other hand it is just sad. I think she's delusional and out of touch with reality. She has a husband that is the sweetest most caring person I know and he just tells her she is right 100% of the time. He is her enabler and the only person she has contact with. She has brainwashed him into doing anything and everything she wants. I feel sorry for him but he may be exactly where he is supposed to be. He just build her a prayer room. If she talks to someone else who she doesn't agree with then she just cuts them out or moves to another church. Part of me wants to help her but the other part knows there is no hope for her and if there is no change then I don't want my family and I to be subjected to her nonsense.

My best friend got heavy into drugs and was on oxy one night several years ago. He passed a car driving , never returned to his lane and hit a pregnant girl head on and killed her. He is lost to drugs and I haven't talked to him in years. I miss him more than my own mother so I guess that says a lot about her.

-- Fri Dec 20, 2019 3:55 am --

xdude wrote:On a personal level, I tried to communicate with my parent, but understood, at some point the religion and magic BS just becomes too much, and time to step aside. Your sanity matters too, and actually, matters more because if you get caught up in this nonsense, neither of you has a chance.


I will never get caught up in that nonsense. I guess being treated badly by someone who is overly religious can have benefits. It made me open my eyes, question everything, do my own research, and think for myself. Too many people are just sheep following in the footsteps of others.
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Re: Would you still talk to your mom if she did this?

Postby xdude » Fri Dec 20, 2019 2:19 pm

RNails wrote:I will never get caught up in that nonsense. I guess being treated badly by someone who is overly religious can have benefits. It made me open my eyes, question everything, do my own research, and think for myself. Too many people are just sheep following in the footsteps of others.


Even though I am atheist now, I do have many religious books from my earlier days. Growing up in a dual religion family can have benefits, such as learning some tolerance for varied beliefs. There are many good ideas I took away from both of them, but there is also a fuzzy area between sane religion and where it gets in the way, such as what you wrote. Being abusive while spewing religion as an excuse or reason is not okay.

It never entirely helps to say/write this, but it's a valid thought to pass on -

It is those difficulties that helped you become a stronger person today, the type who does ask questions, does your own research, and avoid becoming a simple follower. We need people like you. Taking care of yourself first and foremost does not make you a bad person. We all have limits.
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Re: Would you still talk to your mom if she did this?

Postby RNails » Sat Dec 21, 2019 2:32 am

xdude wrote:
RNails wrote:I will never get caught up in that nonsense. I guess being treated badly by someone who is overly religious can have benefits. It made me open my eyes, question everything, do my own research, and think for myself. Too many people are just sheep following in the footsteps of others.


Even though I am atheist now, I do have many religious books from my earlier days. Growing up in a dual religion family can have benefits, such as learning some tolerance for varied beliefs. There are many good ideas I took away from both of them, but there is also a fuzzy area between sane religion and where it gets in the way, such as what you wrote. Being abusive while spewing religion as an excuse or reason is not okay.

It never entirely helps to say/write this, but it's a valid thought to pass on -

It is those difficulties that helped you become a stronger person today, the type who does ask questions, does your own research, and avoid becoming a simple follower. We need people like you. Taking care of yourself first and foremost does not make you a bad person. We all have limits.


Thanks I appreciate that. I agree there are a lot of good things to be learned from different religions and books. I really don't have a problem with any religion. I just have a problem with people who are closed minded and act like their religion is right and other ones are wrong. Whenever it is backed by judgement and hatred it's even worse.
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