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Am I being controlling?

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Am I being controlling?

Postby Kodarules28 » Tue Dec 17, 2019 1:37 am

So here is what happened with my gf and I:
My girlfriend told me that her best friends 13 year anniversary was this weekend and she was going to spend it with her husband. So, I took the chance to suggest to my gf, "what do you think about focusing on us for the day sense your friends anniversary is this weekend and she will be busy? Maybe we could not text anyone for the today?" I asked her because I kept feeling like she was dating me and her best friend. Like, there is no boundary line for what she talks about with her best friend. This hurts me because that means she shares her emotions with her best friend and not with me and I haven’t done anything to make her think that she is anything besides wonderful. When she is having a bad day, I don’t get mad or angry, I just let her express her feelings to me and listen. She also expresses what she’s doing on a daily basis with her best friend. Like if shes taking apart a table, she will text her best friend that she’s taking a table apart, but them to me (her BF) she will say hold on a second. I don't understand why she cant text me the same thing? I'm not going to get mad or angry that shes busy, I would just say ok if she texted me that she was taking a table apart.

Anyways, When I asked her if we could have alone time for the day by not texting anyone and let her best friend enjoy her anniversary weekend, she told me that she was willing to do that and it sounded like a good idea. I was really happy when she said that she wanted to do that. If she said that she wasn't, I would have been sad, but not angry. I would have just said ok, I was just suggesting an idea. So, for the whole day and night we ended up watching movies, cuddling, and talking. This is what we always do, but sense she wasn't talking to her best friend and she said yes to the idea, I felt like she really wanted to have alone time with me and build a special bond with each other. when she asked me questions, it felt like i was important to her. It felt like that cause she was asking me questions only and it felt like she thought of me as important. This also made me feel important the next day when she did start texting people again because i would always have the special day on my mind that we both shared with each other.

Then she wanted to show me the picture she sent to her best friend of me while we were playing a game (which at first I wanted to tell her that I was upset at that, but thought that it was best to ignore it sense she wasn't texting her, she was just sending a picture). She brought the picture up and I noticed that she and her friend texted about the picture after it was sent, so I asked if I could read what they said about the picture to each other and she said yes. So, I read the messages and they made me laugh. Then I scrolled up to look at the picture again and noticed that there were messages before that. I looked at the times of the texts and didn't read the messages. I noticed that she was texting her all day. I got very sad and hurt because it felt like a betrayal of my trust. I said, I thought u didn't text her at all yesterday? She explained, so you looked through my phone? My response was,” I have no idea what you guys were talking about in the texts, the only messages I read were the ones you told me I could read. When I looked at the other messages, I just looked at the times hoping that the times were from the day before and not when we agreed to not text anyone”. Then i got up and said that i'm going to take a shower because I need to think. Would it be ok if we talked about this some more a little later? And she said, "yes, that's fine".

A little later I sat on the floor looking at her and I told her, “ it hurt my feelings when you told me that you were ok with not texting people and then you texted anyways. It feels like my trust was betrayed and I feel lied to because if you didn't want to do that, why didn't you just tell me? I would have been fine with it. I just would have said ok and went on with our day”. I went on to say, “I also feel lied to because I asked you if you were texting anyone and you said no”. Her response was, “I wasn't texting anyone when you asked me, I was texting throughout the day with my best friend, but when you would ask me, I would tell you the truth, no i was not texting anyone”. I responded by saying, “so, basically you white lied. Basically if I asked if you were texting anyone today, you would have said yes. But since i didnt you decided to white lie, I see”. She responded saying, “yes, exactly. Also, I feel like you were controlling me when you said that we shouldn't text people today”. I was shocked that she thought that and told her, “I didn't realize it was controlling because I asked you if you wanted to not text people for the day, I didn't tell you not to. It was a question, not a demand. I would never demand you to do something, that is not the type of person I am”. Then I went on to ask her, “I don't understand why you didn't just tell me you didn't want to stop texting people for the day? I would have just said ok, that's fine.” She said that it was because she was ok with it until she got a message from her best friend and she wanted to message her back. I said, ok, well next time can you please just let me know if you change your mind because then I wont feel lied to or that i can't trust you when I ask if you are ok with something and you say yes. She said ok and then we got up and started our day.

Later on that day I remembered that I did ask her if she had been texting anyone that day because i was just curious and she said no. I haven't told her that I remember asking her that at night before she sent the picture of me to her best friend, only because I feel like she was right and that I might have been controlling in that situation, but IDK?
Kodarules28
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