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I don't know what to think...

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I don't know what to think...

Postby angel1998 » Sun Oct 06, 2019 1:35 pm

Hey everyone. I haven't visited this site in a while..
What I'm about to descriibe is a very messy situation, but I'd just like other's opinions on it..

I'm 21, diagnosed with borderline, and I'm having kinda regular hookups (for about 2 months) with a man who's 33 and has a girlfriend of 6 years :S Before you say anything, yes I know it's bad, but I have bad self esteem and also can't really put myself inside others' shoes so I'm not that sorry about it. Maybe I lack remorse, I don't know.
This guy and I get along surprisingly well, he even invited me to the beach and to Amsterdam for the weekend... One time I got curious and asked him if he loves his gf to which he replies yes, but he likes sex too. I asked if she'd be heartbroken if she found out, he simply says yeah. I don't get this. Can you really love someone and still cheat on them? Just because you like sex with college students too? I want your opininon on this..
I myself think of this guy as a narcissist. Cold, careless, aggressive, inconsiderate.. just the kind of guy I get attracted to, which is another issue..

Now here comes the really messy part. Try not to judge me too hard, I'm in a very bad place myself.. This will sound like something from a Bukowski novel..
Our latest hookup was at his friend's place (because his gf was home that night). The idea was to have a threesome or whatever we wanted (it doesn't bother him if I sleep with his friend, I think he wants to show me off). We kind of had a little party with alcohol and some mdma. Careless as he is he let me take 2 pills (and I'm stupid and impulsive and only weigh 51 kilos..). After that I don't remember much, mainly he and me hooked up in his friend's bedroom. Then it's time to leave but I didn't want to sleep alone because I was all touchy feely from the mdma, so I stayed at his friend's place. I wasn't myself at all that night and I started coming on to his friend who told me that "(our friend) will get jealous.." I say no way, this doesn't bother him. Then he says "he loves you". I was confused to hear this because we're talking about the guy who let me overdose and stay with his friend for the night. I decided not to think about it and still slept with the friend (don't judge me, I have issues).
So now I don't know what to make of this. The guy is clearly scum, but, regrettably, I like him...
Do you think it's possible to love someone and still cheat on them with no remorse, or treat them carelessly like this?
I know it's an abominable situation and I'm a degenerate who's going to hell but if you made it through this, many thanks :wink:
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Re: I don't know what to think...

Postby Sarandipity » Sun Oct 06, 2019 5:01 pm

Firstly borderline personality disorder responds well to therapy, just an FYI because maybe you're happy as you are.

Secondly this guy with the gf doesn't love you or her. He's gonna say "oh no I'm confused and love them both" to his friend so he doesn't look like a completely callous idiot.

Thirdly you owe the guy nothing so sleeping with his friend is ok as long as you're not hurting yourself in doing so which it doesn't sound like you are.
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Re: I don't know what to think...

Postby angel1998 » Sun Oct 06, 2019 7:52 pm

Sarandipity wrote:Firstly borderline personality disorder responds well to therapy, just an FYI because maybe you're happy as you are.

Secondly this guy with the gf doesn't love you or her. He's gonna say "oh no I'm confused and love them both" to his friend so he doesn't look like a completely callous idiot.

Thirdly you owe the guy nothing so sleeping with his friend is ok as long as you're not hurting yourself in doing so which it doesn't sound like you are.



I am in therapy. It's helping a bit but I've had so much to deal with lately it's hard.

Now, the guy's an ass and doesn't worry about sounding like an ass. I didn't think he told that to his friend, it just sounded to me like his friend picked up on some clues. I don't believe it but I've been thinking about it a bit too much I'll admit. As for his gf, I think you're right, I just wanted to hear other people think the same.

And I know I owe him nothing, I just did it because he left and I didn't want to sleep alone. I know it's not good for me but it's a thing I do..

Anyways, thanks for some insight:)
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