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Ended relationship

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Ended relationship

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Oct 01, 2019 7:02 pm

Was in a relationship for about 3 years. I'm 40. He was the first person I ever let know about my mental health and my past. The first person I felt close to in 20years.

He assaulted me and I ended the relationship. I know I had to end it but it's still really painful and I'm starting to feel depressed about it.
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Re: Ended relationship

Postby archaic » Tue Oct 01, 2019 11:19 pm

Sorry to hear that, how many times did he assault you in the three years..
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Re: Ended relationship

Postby Sarandipity » Tue Oct 01, 2019 11:40 pm

archaic wrote:Sorry to hear that, how many times did he assault you in the three years..


Once. I have a zero tolerance of physical violence. I was in violent relationships before. I really didn't think he would physically hurt me. In other ways he was very supportive. He did shout alot and in my face sometimes but that doesn't register with me so it didn't bother me. But I have a big lump on my head so I can't ignore that.

I have to go to court because he lied and said I hurt myself. The prosecution say he won't get away with what he did but I don't believe that fully. My experience is that people who do stuff like this get away with it far more than they get in trouble for it especially when they're liars.

Thanks for responding.
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Re: Ended relationship

Postby archaic » Wed Oct 02, 2019 8:53 am

I see what your saying, what made you receive the lump on your head, and if you don't mind me asking, What was the assault if it's only the once in the three years, I'm curious, why now, as you say he was supportive in other ways,

I understand how people can get, assault can fall on many factors depending on how it's reported, plus you said he lied, you said you had zero tolerance, I think it depends how well you know him, is he lying from being scared, is he under any sort of stress from anything, work, family or life issues.

I would think the assault must of been really serious to be the once in three years being very supportive to you feeling so close to him within 20 years of anyone revealing your mental health and past, and him to lie, was he on alcohol or drugs, medication or anything, was he affectionate at all with you, only you will know the truth, was it considered to be a police matter, there's over reaction and under reaction, could your abusive past or mental health play a part in how you make decisions or does he have mental health issues in which he made the wrong decisions when he physically hurt you putting his hands on you by whatever he done to be in the hands of the law and justice system,

There's key points in what you say about him that are very positive, first person in 20 years very supportive your close to him you didn't think he would physically hurt you and told him your mental health and past, it seems which can be rare that he has qualities you've found which suited you to trust him that much or could it be that you may not need him further and want to go on your own now, do you have kids together.

Can't imagin what the assault can be, but from what you explain about him physically hurting you, either he grabbed you or hit you, he would of had to do something really serious I would think for him not wanting to be with you, if he's done that, for the police and courts to be involved.

Could it be hes out all the time avoiding you or is he always with you, or loves his phone to much hogging his phone cheat texting, has anything changed in him, is his parents ok, does he say he loves you.

For you to be close with him in 20 years since anyone, did you ever cuddle hold hands have mushy moments or is he not that type of man, he must have something special that for-fills your needs, was you living together how is he now with you, is he showing anything towards you to why you felt so close to him or is he in the jail, was he distant and disloyal with you beforehand or loyal and homely.

Things happen in relationships nothing can be ever perfect, finding a balance can be hard, people react in sorts of ways, making the right decisions can be harder when they could end up being the wrong decisions, the right decisions can be rewarding and satisfying but the wrong decisions can be destroying and destructive depending on how serious the decision is on whhat it's based on.

Hope it all works out and it turns out to be there's a valid reason for this all to collapse like it has.

Good luck.
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Re: Ended relationship

Postby Sarandipity » Sun Oct 06, 2019 4:45 pm

It was a matter of time of him hurting me. He would shout and scream and bully and throw things often. All relationships have good and bad. Abusers have to be nice to their victims on some occasions or they wouldn't keep the victim. That's why abusive relationships are very confusing for people. Also by being nice sometimes the abuser gives themselves a dialogue of "I'm actually ok, they're a liar because I do xyz" so they can keep lieing to themselves they're a nice person and more easily con the next victim because they believe their own BS.
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No-one and Peter, Beth and Karen, Mandy and Mouse plus a seperate system of fragments including: rabit and others.
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Re: Ended relationship

Postby JustHelpful » Wed Oct 23, 2019 3:46 am

That sounds like a pretty difficult situation to deal with. Glad you got out. You mentioned you were beginning to feel bad about it but bad in what way?

Bad like you feel bad for breaking up with him because he loses you? Bad because you are not without a significant other for a period of time or for another reason?
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