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Rejection

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Rejection

Postby Seili » Sun Sep 29, 2019 6:00 pm

I have a confession to make. I "enjoy" rejecting guys. Especially if they are..stunning.

More specifically I don't actually wish to hurt them, I'm afraid of causing pain to anyone. All I want is to please people.
Yet I play around, laugh, and playfully block his sight by pulling his hat down. Turn my back on him and hope he'll catch this cue. - Hey you, please go away. I don't deserve this attention. It's all so wrong.

Simultaneusly being torn with the opposite kind of feelings and sensations. Please touch me, touch me! try again. And I'm feeling so incredibly bad. I'm taken, with someone, this is so wrong. It pains me and in a way I enjoy the pain. Now this is what is the center of my attention. An aching feeling.

Soon there are three guys around me, dancing, just like him. I've had enough and I walk away.

Any idea what is the psychology behind this?
This isn't a huge issue, I rarely get myself in a situation like this. But when I do, the treshold for reaching out to old habits is rather low. Is it a matter of self-esteem? Or something else?

As said, I'm in a relationship. But I have a hunch this is a pattern I'd think about. In any case.
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Re: Rejection

Postby xdude » Thu Oct 03, 2019 5:45 am

Not sure if this applies to you or not, but ...

Conscious rejection of others, I am thinking of motives. Some motives could be:

1.) I really just don't like the other person, and that is all there is to it.
2.) The relationship has triggered my fears, such as fear of commitment, fear of being hurt, whatever the reasons.
3.) I am looking for an ego boost.
4.) No doubt other reasons, but...

#3 is a real motive.

Disclaimer first: Really just because I read a book to learn more about some other aspect of how people think, it does not mean I am promoting this book! Sorry had to throw that in because it's so common that people confuse reading something with condoning something.

"The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists" goes into this matter of rejection can result in attraction, and an ego boost for being wanted. I have no idea if the PUA thing is still a thing, but for a while it was.

Anyway, one the first steps in the PUA's routine is the Neg, or Negging. It's essentially starting out a potential relationship with a form of rejection. That might seem crazy at first glance, but the reason why it works sometimes is us people often want we don't or can't have. That's a general-ism of course. Some people don't think that way.

The PUA form of rejection is definitely consciously manipulative, but some do it unconsciously.

Side track. I am watching a show right now in which the characters are constantly rejecting and negging each other. Of course it's a show, so that audience already knows, it is a setup to have them becoming bros, or lovers later in the season.

Rejection can trigger that response of "but now I do want you, or want you more". For the person doing the rejecting, that could just be for the ego boost, another person wants me, +1 for me.
It could also be a form of subtle sadism, or just more general I moved myself up a notch on the self-esteem ladder while putting you down a notch. Self-esteem competition.
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Re: Rejection

Postby Seili » Thu Oct 03, 2019 1:03 pm

I've seen the sadism bit, it doesn't work for me, I wouldn't use it on others either.
It's all happening in my head really, considering my current life in general, it's probably about ego boost.
I don't wish to put anyone down, or compete.

Thanks for your reply!
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Re: Rejection

Postby xdude » Thu Oct 03, 2019 3:46 pm

For whatever it is worth, J. Peterson had some controversial views on rejection causes.

Couldn't find the article so removed the link.

I forget which video it was, but he goes into this matter of purposeful rejection too. I think his final point, sort of, was the rejection matter is a norm. We may not admit it to ourselves, but it happens on many levels. If I can find the video in a short time, I'll post a link and time code; if not, well, it's a good topic.
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