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Depressed girlfriend. Lost sexual interest in me.

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Depressed girlfriend. Lost sexual interest in me.

Postby Anonymousguy87 » Sat Sep 28, 2019 8:07 am

So my relationship of 1 year has taken a turn when my girlfriend began to have major mood swings.
Shes very affectionate towards me, holds my hand, sleeps on my side of the bed and always gives kisses and hugs me. She also tells me she loves me every day.
But she began to hate and complain about everything I do. She takes everything out on me. She had some major issues at work and with her family connections. She has also had a rough upbringing with her father being abusive and cheating on her mother a number of times, yet still has a good relationship with him.

Her hostility towards me has grown and any little thing will tick her off and make her totally irrational, angry with yelling and demanding that I listen to her more and do as she asks with everything, then end in tears. When shes angry and having the outbursts she can't look at me or touch me. If I walk away calmly and tell her I wont be spoken to like that, and I will be ready to talk when we both calm down, she gets violent, pushes me to the side and takes off in her car for an hour.

Now she has broken down and tells me she is terribly depressed and needs help. Nothing makes her happy and she has been sleeping throughout the day and all of the night.
She has told me she hasn't been feeling sexual for a month but loves me so she gave me sex to please me because she loves me. She says now that she doesn't want sex at all and feels no sexual attraction towards me because of this depression.

Shes seeing a psychologist and started on antidepressants.
I have been very calm and supportive the whole way through this issue, but I still make things worse by apparently not listening to her enough.

My biggest issue, and I may sound selfish, but I feel unloved, a failure as a man and my sexual self-esteem has dropped so low anf I keep blaming myself for her depression. No matter how I try to say its her problem, I feel like I'm not good enough and I am failing her.

I think I am a good listener. I even write down notes and follow lots of listening steps from online help pages. I listen to listen and not offer advice or try to fix it.

Someone please help with this before I go totally insane here.
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Re: Depressed girlfriend. Lost sexual interest in me.

Postby SomeDude007 » Wed Oct 02, 2019 9:54 pm

Hi guy87,

What your GF is telling you sounds like textbook depression. When I am depressed I want to do nothing more than sleep all day and night. My libido completely tanks and I become irritable and withdrawn. I don't want to talk to anyone; not even my best friends who I've known for ~20 years. It's not that I don't love them; I do, cognitively, I just can't feel anything or what I do feel is muted.

The fact that she is still trying to be intimate with you and opened up to you about her depression speaks volumes about how much she cares about you and loves you. Doing those things while depressed is very difficult.

Her issues with you not listening enough are probably more due to her frustration and inability to adequately describing how crummy she feels, which causes her to lash out. It's very frustrating, and it probably makes her feel all alone. Again, not your fault. All you can do is gently remind her (remind, not badger!) that you are being as supportive and loving as you can be. It is very good that she is getting help both mentality and medically; she has a good chance to come out of this on top with all of the support she's receiving from her group, which definitely includes you.

It is really important that, during this ordeal, you do not lose yourself either. Her recovery is, ultimately, up to her and will go at her own pace. Make sure you don't throw yourself into caring for her and her only; you also have to have compassion and self care for yourself as well. That also includes understanding that humans are selfish creatures, and what you are describing in regards to feeling low self-esteem, blaming yourself, etc. is also totally normal. Try to be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you are being to her. Her depression has nothing to do with you, but rather external life factors/brain chemistry/etc.

With time, her depression will hopefully lesson and she will become that loving person again. Take care
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Re: Depressed girlfriend. Lost sexual interest in me.

Postby Anonymousguy87 » Thu Oct 03, 2019 8:14 pm

Thank you this really helps. I have pulled back into myself recently and she has been very loving towards me. I think you're right about looking after myself and letting her gonat her own pace. I've done all I can for her for now and she will respect me more for getting back on my own path.
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Re: Depressed girlfriend. Lost sexual interest in me.

Postby xdude » Fri Oct 04, 2019 2:54 am

Hey man,

I think she is lucky to have a BF who cares about her so much.

SomeDude007 wrote:Try to be as kind and compassionate to yourself as you are being to her.


And wanted to emphasize this ^^^
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Read the forum rules before posting here. If you are having any doubts about what you are posting, if you are thinking in the back of your mind, "I am going to want to delete this, or these details, later", remove those details, or step back and don't post until you are sure.
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