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Married to a possibly NPD wife

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Married to a possibly NPD wife

Postby Duskcloud » Thu Aug 22, 2019 2:05 pm

Hi all, I've registered here because I need to speak to someone as I feel isolated have no friends I keep in touch with. I don't expect sympathy but I'm trying to understand what is going on. I have only recently realised my wife has NPD and she herself doesn't know although she knows she's 'not normal' by her own admission. I've also recently started reading up on NPD.

It started when I was in my early 20s. I had never had a girlfriend or any sexual experience. I was also a total pushover. I guess you could say I was easy prey. The relationship started out great, I was not used to having affection so I was really enjoying life. She love bombed me early in the relationship, we were inseparable and moved in together, things moved quite quick. We got married within 2 years and now have had 2 kids. I've known something wasn't right for years. I would say she has close to complete control over me. Then last year the unthinkable happened, she cheated on me. She begged me for forgiveness and I probably gave in too easily as I missed a chance to either easily escape or to claw some power back in the relationship. That's when I started researching personality disorders and realised she sounds like she may have NPD. I feel like I am just a servant to her and that I mean nothing anymore. I may possibly be depressed but that's a story for another forum.

The traits include:
She's very insecure, especially about her physical appearance
But also very big headed especially about her work but doesn't take criticism very well
She struggles to hold down a job for more than a year at a time, she usually leaves due to dislike or personality clash with others
Her friendships don't last long and she is paranoid about being talked about
I think I am her supply as I am often belittled, called names such as useless or idiot. Sometimes she laughs at me for putting on weight. If I am complaining about something I'm simply told to get over it, or man up. She has very little empathy
I'm constantly walking on eggshells to not trigger her anger
She has been trying to distance me from friends and family, especially trying to convince me to dislike my mother

She confided that she was abused as a child in several incidents by different people but hasn't told anyone else. This is why I sympathise with her and care enough to want to make the relationship work instead of escaping.

I have a few questions to ask:
Does it/can it get easier or worse to live with a NPD partner as we get older?
Will our kids pick up her behaviours when they're older?
What can I do to make life easier and happier?
Should I, and if so how, do I help her discover that she might have NPD?
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