Rant

Not really sure where to begin with this or how to classify it for that matter. I'm just typing what comes to mind. I guess the first thing to do would be to talk about myself and those personality flaws that I'm aware of.

I hate being around other people in any capacity anymore. Don't get me wrong, I like socializing and having discussions, but being literally around people is no longer about socializing. It is about duties to them or merely suffering their presence in some setting I'd rather not be in, often devoid of any positive mental stimulation. My interests have made me completely unrelatable to the ordinary person and they to me.

Clearly, this wedge has created a rift in how I perceive people and they perceive me. People are quick to consign me to being egotistical, narcissistic, etc. I am judged on a foggy baseline of the generic person on my inability to find things stimulating which only exacerbates the problem of being around people.

I know many feel the same palpable decline in socializing that I do. I see it everywhere and with everyone and it bleeds into every venue of life, but nobody talks about it. I see my kids struggle to socialize at school and it pains me more than anything to see them suffer the same problem; to be unrelatable to the little copies of their junkie parents and be obsessed with garbage games. Those kids, like their adult counterparts, can talk a million miles per hour and say nothing at all. I've said nothing but encouragement to my kids to make friends and they take it in stride, but inside I feel the pressure. Have I set my kids up for failure by not integrating them and myself into a society that is collectively flushing itself down the toilet?

I saw a video about evolution recently. The take away is that the species best suited to its environment is the most successful, not the species that is the most mentally/physically capable. This begged the question then... What is it to be successful? What is it to be mentally fit? Is it to be a herd animal that's best adapted to their environment by foregoing individual strength? It appears to me that that may very well be the reality. By trying to maintain a high standard of morals and thinking it has set us back considerably when it comes to just living day to day with other people.

Long story short, I don't think I'm wrong, just not "successful". I think a sizable group, but still a minority of people feel this same phenomena. Do you feel it? Do you sense this same gap in morals, interests, and the general well-being of people around you? That poignant relationship to being a basic cookie-cutter person and seeming satisfied? It seems to me you can't have the best of both worlds. You either have to adapt at the expense of what it means to be you or you develop a "disorder" within the context of so-called order that is the baseline behavior of a herd; a herd that seems to be getting more reliant on numbers instead of quality. I don't think I'm wrong... but I'm here to hear other perspectives.

Rant's are okay, so I'll throw in my own rant...

I keep running into articles on the proliferation of narcissism in the culture I live in. More on that below.

I was just talking with someone three days ago about how much they enjoyed a particular movie, but also found the dialogue ultimately annoying. Reason is the most of the dialogue is just people quipping at each other (i.e., trying to one up each other with a witty remark, and often an insulting one). He also mentioned he sees more of his friends imitating what they see on the screen. I can relate as well as I've known someone like this and it's very annoying. Are we having a conversation or are you going to play a movie character?

Unfortunately, I think you are right in observing that for the most part humans just want to get by day to day. We're wired to survive, to reproduce, the rest is optional. Fortunately, there are still plenty of people who value character, but I understand why you have concerns over how your kids will grow up.

I had read an interesting book in which the author proposes that there was a slow change in businesses in my culture. Where many companies originally started with 'the customer is always right' mindset, and pride in craftsmanship, that slowly there has been an evolution focused on profits. Type A sales personalities are the most highly desirable types, the craftsmen/women are of secondary value, honesty is secondary, quality is secondary, increased profits is primary. Perhaps he was just confusing nostalgia with reality, but his point may still be valid enough. Success is measured in terms of how do the books look today/right-now, and less concern for long term viability. I have to admit I find it amusing when people chase the stock market, thinking it's up today so all must be good. Could be down tomorrow, even crash. I wonder if the businesses cares. In the culture I live in bankruptcy is almost no cost. Almost nobody goes to jail over it. Who cares that others didn't get paid back? Just start a new business, rinse and repeat. I am being a bit factitious but we see this with companies breaking themselves up into subsidiaries (or independent companies) so they can flush or sell off the unprofitable bits, not much interest in the long term.

Societies do evolve, just like language, us humans, how we do business, etc., and not always for the better. They also fail. History is full of stories about societies failing. It can be hard to know exactly what went wrong, but it's more likely no one thing, rather a collective process that occurs over several generations. Many people play a part, but of course, individually they are just trying to get by.

Obviously I am writing about extremes too, because there are still plenty of people who value character, morals, long-term over short-term, but one of my favorite books (also on evolution) mentions that many people live their life like drunken sailors. The author goes on to explain that he means they live it as if they have maybe max 5 years to live, and so why bother worrying about the future? Sadly I also see a lot of that at times (perhaps the book biased me).

One final thought for this post -

It can be a valuable trait to adjust situationally. So avoid a one size fits all response. I mean when dealing with people who have those character traits you admire, to treat them accordingly, and when dealing those who follow the herd (as you wrote), to adjust.

xdude wrote:It can be a valuable trait to adjust situationally. So avoid a one size fits all response. I mean when dealing with people who have those character traits you admire, to treat them accordingly, and when dealing those who follow the herd (as you wrote), to adjust.

I agree. I've just lost the motivation to contort. I don't like making excuses for myself and I abhor nihilism. However, it seems I'm at an impasse. The opportunity cost of thinking the way I do and dealing with the vapid culture has become hard to juggle. I hate to say it, but I feel it increasingly with my own family. That was the line where it became concerning. Maybe this is just an over-thought mid-life crisis... maybe I just need a break that I cannot have... I'm sure I'm not the only one. I appreciate the time and thought put into your response. It was a good read that forced some introspection. I'm still thinking about what can be done.

It can be hard to know exactly what is going on. As a teenager I remember my parents, and particularly grandparents, lamenting that society had changed. Perhaps we all struggle with yes things change.

I definitely think you are not alone in questioning what is going on? I'm sure you've also seen plenty of articles on have social media, video games, cell phones, etc., resulted in people withdrawing into a kind of virtual world.

I am going to suggest a highly controversial book. It's one of my favorites, also on evolution titled the "The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature" by Steven Pinker. It really helped me to understand myself and others. After reading it I was much clearer on what are just social/cultural constructs of the moment versus the human beings that. A real epiphany for me, but controversial because many believe that we are blank slates, that we have no nature, it's just whatever our society teaches us. To suggest that we do have a human nature, that it's not all whatever we want it to be, really upsets some.

One final and related thought for this post...

I noted you mentioned nihilism. There is a related version, postmodernism. Problem is even nihilists (and postmodernists) balk at being treated unfairly, and despite whatever they say intellectually, most pursue the same goals as everyone else.

There is another book I found very interesting. The premise of that book is that morality is not just some random set of beliefs, but inherent in our nature. In it he writes about an experiment in which two monkeys are given a task. One monkey gets grapes for doing so, the other gets something lame, like a bit of cucumber. Cucumber monkey loses it when he sees his peer gets a better reward. Cucumber monkey knows on a primal level that it's wrong to be treated unfairly. I've learned to listen to what people do over what they say. It's in what we and others do that we find out what they really believe and think, versus what they think they believe in.

On a personal level I think many of us are very fortunate. We don't have to struggle 24/7 for basic survival. We have much free time to engage in recreation, art, exchanging ideas, etc., but perhaps there is a downside to that. All that free time has left us time to think, or get lost in fictions (movies, books, video games, etc.). Haha, that should be a positive but maybe it comes with a cost too.