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I am super bothered by knowing my boyfriend watches porn

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I am super bothered by knowing my boyfriend watches porn

Postby Mouseofgory » Tue Jan 01, 2019 12:02 am

And not just a little it is constantly just in my mind and i cant get over it. It builds resentment toward him and even though he doesnt talk about it it is constantly on my mind everyday that hes jacking off to some other woman. Like im not enough? And i just believe porn is a quick release of dopamine like a drug and its just wrong. And yes ive tried it but when im with someone i dont need it. Why does he? Please dont be mean i really just need honest replies. Is he thjnking of banging these women as he does it or is it that hes just looking at the act of sex? Does he think about them after or when we are together? I cant look at him without resentment when i know he does it. I want to be enough for him where he doesnt need these other women to jerk off. Should i give him an ultimatium to have him stop watching or walk away from me since it is obviously disrupting my mental health that much? How can i deal with this?
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Re: I am super bothered by knowing my boyfriend watches porn

Postby Dahliaa » Sat Jan 05, 2019 10:54 am

Hello Mouseofgory, I think you two should talk about sex, what kind of sex do you like, how often etc. Sometimes people do assume many things which are not correct because they do not talk. Maybe you are willing to widen your sex life when you do know how to please each other.

I also suggest you openly tell him about your feelings, maybe he does not know about them.

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Re: I am super bothered by knowing my boyfriend watches porn

Postby Wally58 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:24 pm

I also agree. Communication is very important here. My wife told me that my porn-watching felt like me "cheating" on her.
After she said that to me, I felt very badly about it. I was ashamed and embarrassed, because it was 'supposed' to be something hidden, private and personal.
I would not have known that it hurt her feelings so badly unless she had spoken up like that. I am glad that she did say something instead of carrying around the dark and silent resentments and doubts about me.
Overall it has brought us closer together. We can talk about thoughts and behaviors that we are ashamed of and were keeping secret from each-other.
We share about our wants, desires, dreams and needs. Things we have in common, which still keep us together.
Best of luck to you. :D
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Re: I am super bothered by knowing my boyfriend watches porn

Postby Jerril » Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:15 am

Hmmm... interesting discussion here.
Maybe some men use porn to relieve themselves of excess sperm because they can't visualize enough to stay aroused long enough to do it without it being a big hassle just to ejaculate. It saves them time, and makes it quick, and the arousal can be very high. And, their partners might not always be available for them for myriad reasons.

And/Or... some men might just be curious about all shapes and sizes and want to explore multiple viewing experiences. This doesn't mean, necessarily, that they do not cherish their significant other, and wish to only be with her. It is just an extra experience for them.
Some couples are very open with their desires to see many different bodies and fantasize about them. And/Or.... they wind up swinging as well (or worse, cheating on their partners). Some are in polyamorous situations as well.

The issue with a lot of porn, outside of feelings of being unloved, undesired with partners of porn watchers, is that many of the porn actors are abused and exploited for money. It can be close to human trafficking, some of the same people who are doing that, are forcing the young women (or, perhaps men) into being filmed. As far as I know, anyway. Or, they're drug addicts. And, maybe some of them find some kind of perverse fulfillment doing it, and think of it as a career without any shame, or issues that they find troublesome. I don't know...

I believe we have to have compassion for everyone involved here: the wanker and the partner of the wanker as well (sorry to use such blunt terms). The wanker, I think, has issues of sexual identity and control. A fantasy gives him/her the idea that they're getting fulfilled exactly as they want, and also the taboo of sneaking away and watching some porno is alluring. The partner is left confused, wondering why their lover is so distracted.
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