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gf threw away everything?Narcissist help?!

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gf threw away everything?Narcissist help?!

Postby slyfly1 » Sat Dec 22, 2018 4:18 pm

so basically i have seen a huge pattern with my ex in the past 8 years. its unexplainable. and very confusing. i will try and keep this short.

first time she dumped me:
year 3, a few weeks before our anniversary, a few weeks before my grandpa died(we knew it was coming) she flat out left me for another man. heart broken i stayed. she started partying hanging out with random people, drinking lots, ghosting me and stringing me along, my fault because i should have left but i was inlove.

she came back 6 months later and we worked on things, but it was very difficult, i put in full effort, she did not. just anger and rage for 2 years. and then finally things got better.

we had a baby and life was going good.

then the rage and anger came back. she started getting mad at everything , this lasted a long time.

the last few weeks of our second break up were the same as our first, she started taking off and not coming home, started drinking more, partying, broke up 2 weeks before our anniversary again, while my grandma is now sick and dying.

she broke up with me and blammed me for everything, says that its my fault she struggles and that i always apparently put her down?

so now ive been taking care of the baby mainly by myself , she has her a few days a week but when the weekend comes shes off again partying, shes cold and in the beggining i begged her not to do this to me again, but she just kept saying no im done. shes very unemotional, no empathy,

its so confuesing how she can just keep leaving me high and dry like im nothing at all. it sickens me.

shes been hoovering me like crazy. texting me like she wants me then switches the convo about the baby.

im heart broken , obviously i cant ever be with her again. im just trying to understand narcissism and this pattern?

literly its a cycle, like after 4 years she goes through some spychotic break down where her ego and mind takes over and its like she thinks shes just the hottest best thing in the world and that shes too good for me?

can some one explain narcissism to me detailed. also how can i cut all contact when we share a baby. this is just insane nonsense. help please.
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Re: gf threw away everything?Narcissist help?!

Postby Cassandre » Sat Jan 19, 2019 7:49 pm

Sorry, bit of a late answer, she may not want to deal with the negative emotions surrounding your personal losses, as well as dealing with the type of work required to raise a child.

People with NPD can feel threatened by their own children, if they perceive that the child is taking away from them the attention that they believe is due to them. While it is not something acceptable to say out loud, it might also be motive to fly away.

slyfly1 wrote:she broke up with me and blammed me for everything, says that its my fault she struggles and that i always apparently put her down?

Possibly here, she fixates on very minor stuffs as a diversion and blow them out of proportion to avoid considering what she has done.
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Re: gf threw away everything?Narcissist help?!

Postby xdude » Tue Jan 22, 2019 12:48 pm

Tough to deal with for sure slyfly1.

Just from my experience, all the cluster B types have the potential to feel trapped or lose interest after the early honeymoon, idealization phase has passed. If you don't have a cluster B personality it's doubtful you can understand 'why', in part because even cluster B types don't necessarily know why.

Perhaps the best you can do is accept and embrace, you did nothing wrong, and are doing nothing wrong. It wouldn't have mattered what you did, she'd have reached this point with you or with anyone.

Also not sure if this helps, and it's not entirely true, but some have said it's like being with someone who has no memory. One day/moment you are in, and everything is grand, next moment, it's like what you had/have never was, and off they go chasing new attention/validation. Everything you've shared so far is forgotten, or even demonized. Again though that's not because of anything you did wrong.
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