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I'm Confused!

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I'm Confused!

Postby thatright » Tue Nov 27, 2018 8:30 pm

This attachment style is soo confusing.

When I tell him I love him and I want us to commit one day. He pushes me away and distances himself. Doesn't reply to my texts and avoids going out with me when I iniate. Says not loving him would make things easier and doesn't feel the same way as I do. Starts acting anxious around me by the fact that I love him. But he does continue to laugh with me. Replies sometimes to my messages.

Saids he doesn't mind us dating and hanging out. But no commitment. Then we can work on things and sees how things go.

So I try to make things easier for him. To help him to feel better and move on. I tell him I don't love him.

I thought this way it would make him feel better and less anxious.

Nope this in fact makes things worse.

The fact I tell him I don't love him appears to make him feel hurt and angry towards me. He distances himself. Gets angry towards me. Holds a grudge. Doesn't acknowledge me. Appears really upset and makes it clear to me.

Tells me no we cant work on things. Doesn't ever want to get back.

Then acts and starts to get jealous when I mention about dating someone new. Gets upset and starts to try to make me jealous.

Holds resentment and anger towards me and refuses to be nice ever since I told him I don't love him.

I'm confused.
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Re: I'm Confused!

Postby xdude » Wed Nov 28, 2018 4:41 pm

We can only guess here, we don't know him, and if you are confused, our guesses may not help either, but from a guess point of view...

Perhaps he does have an avoidant attachment style, but thing is even if someone does avoid attachment, it doesn't mean they aren't going to react as humans do to self-esteem boosts/threats just as anyone else does. From that perspective then, saying 'I don't love you' was a self-esteem downer, so that's what he reacted to.

The hard thing to accept is that if he does avoid attachment, that's not because of you, but also you can't change that in him with any words, or actions. It's something he has to deal with on his own, when he is ready to do so.
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