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Desperately need help

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Desperately need help

Postby lfclover » Sat Nov 24, 2018 10:32 pm

I’m at wits end with my insane emotions right now. Every time I like someone and get close to them I get obsessed. Usually in the past it’s been toxic relationships with narcissists where I’m codependent. But this time I met someone lovely but as soon as I got close I got terrifying anxiety that told me to cut contact. I thought this would only happen with toxic people as my brain warning me. I don’t understand why I get this feeling if fear but I desperately don’t want to cut contact. I’ve just met the most wonderful person and every time I try to keep contact or get close my anxiety goes off and I can’t relax or get rid of it until I cut her off. I don’t understand if this is my brain warning me of past relationships and fear. Or is it telling me I’m getting addicted to her too soon? Am I really not allowed to speak to her ever again because my anxiety won’t let me. I’m not sure what it means but it happens whenever I get close to someone. I have to cut everyone off to make it stop. I’ve searched online trying to find out what’s wrong but I can’t find anything. I keep saying ride it out, try beating with it for a few days without cutting contact but it doesn’t work. Does anyone know what could be wrong? I do know that I feel empty and tend to make my crushes my obsession but am I really not allowed to have anybody in my life whilst I better myself and work on balancing things? My anxiety just says NO cut contact now and it feels like i’ll die if I don’t. it’s so weird and I can’t find out from anywhere what’s wrong.
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Re: Desperately need help

Postby xdude » Tue Nov 27, 2018 10:58 am

Hey lfclover,

Many people struggle with the same, so you are certainly not alone. As for why though, yea, only you know the answer, and getting to that answer may require some therapy. That's what therapy is good for.

You may also have more than one 'reason' why, but some common reasons could be -

Fear of being hurt again, or just fear of being hurt in the future (i.e., having seen too many stories of relationship failure).

Fear of becoming enmeshed or smothered in someone else' life, and wants.

Fear of being 'trapped' in a relationship.

Fear of the responsibilities a long term relationship tends to entail (e.g., children, financial responsibility, etc.)

Fear of losing time alone, something you may need regularly to recharge.
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