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Does he love me? Help with an aspie’s love language!

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Does he love me? Help with an aspie’s love language!

Postby nevislee » Thu Nov 08, 2018 4:32 am

Hey everyone, so my apologies if this post seems needy or boring, or typical, I just need advice from people who have experience with Aspergers.
I’ve been in love with a guy who has aspergers for 4 years now. We started talking 4 years ago and were both immediately hooked onto each other, he called me adorable nicknames, and we would talk until the AM, every night. He finally asked me to be his girlfriend about a year later, and things were great. We ended up breaking up over something incredibly stupid, and I was heart broken. A year later, he started talking to me again, admitting that he regretted the break up almost immediately after but was too scared to contact me, thinking I hated his guts. He started calling me those cute nicknames again, and asked me out. We dated again for a few months, all for him to randomly stop talking to me out of the blue. I was confused and heartbroken, but gave him his space. He never even said goodbye. He ended up joining the military.
Then, a few months later, he got my whereabouts from a friend and disguised himself as someone else to see how long it would take me to recognize him. Of course I recognized him immediately and we laughed and talked for the whole night and made plans to see each other again. That year we hooked up a few times, and every time we hooked up it was so passionate, and he even wanted to cuddle me after!! We talked for hours, too.
I ended up getting a new boyfriend, and almost forgot about him for an entire year (he was still of course in the back of my mind always). We broke up, so after a few months I finally decided to text him to hang out, so he drove two hours to come and see me and we talked for hours and hours. He told me he never stopped thinking about me, and always mentioned me to his fellows in the military, whenever they spoke about people they truly cared about. He also said that whenever anyone tries to talk badly about me to him, he always sticks up for me. He said he has a huge amount of respect for me, and that I’m his “caliber of a gal”. He told me that I’m stunning, and that he would never want to jeopardize my happiness with my boyfriend. He also said the reason why he never told me “goodbye” when he randomly stopped talking to me was because he simply didn’t want to say bye to me. Apparently whenever he hooks up with other girls he pretends they’re me!
I decided to tell him that I loved him, and he told me he doesn’t know what love is, but that if what he feels for me is love then it’s no lie. And then he said if that’s the case then he has always loved me from day one. The way he holds me is so passionate- he wraps his arms entirely around me and massages me lightly.
We’ve hooked up a few times, but he says he doesn’t want a relationship at all because he knows he will hurt me in the end, because he likely will die when deployed, and when I ask if he loves me he’s always so insistent that he doesn’t know what love is. I asked him if he’s using me, and he says he doesn’t see a point in using people at all.
Honestly I just don’t know what to think. I would appreciate it if you guys could give me some advice from your own experiences/knowledge. Thanks to everyone who read this.
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Re: Does he love me? Help with an aspie’s love language!

Postby shock_the_monkey » Sat Nov 10, 2018 5:47 am

words are just that. we assume they have some sort of universal meaning. we like to think they might have some degree of permanence too.

life is a journey. we set of in hope. some of us end in despair. and none of us can be sure what fate has in store for us.

now, if you don't know what i mean, perhaps you'll realise why he doesn't know what love means either. it's not that simple. really, it's about faith.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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Re: Does he love me? Help with an aspie’s love language!

Postby johnsonraider » Sat Nov 10, 2018 12:01 pm

Everyone people get sadness and happy moment in this age, don't feel bad.

This is life when you get happt and sad, few year ago you understand better as compare to this age, Most of people understand real time and some late This is normal.

Forget this guy start your new life with new friend, don't be negative. Still if you are feeling bad just go for journey and whatever you like to be happy.
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Re: Does he love me? Help with an aspie’s love language!

Postby nevislee » Sun Nov 11, 2018 4:31 am

shock_the_monkey wrote:words are just that. we assume they have some sort of universal meaning. we like to think they might have some degree of permanence too.

life is a journey. we set of in hope. some of us end in despair. and none of us can be sure what fate has in store for us.

now, if you don't know what i mean, perhaps you'll realise why he doesn't know what love means either. it's not that simple. really, it's about faith.


Okay, this does help me a bit. More, I should feel love rather than hear him say it?
Thank you for putting in your two cents, especially with a situation like this, I bet it sounds trivial to a lot of people. I appreciate it!!
-nevislee
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Re: Does he love me? Help with an aspie’s love language!

Postby nevislee » Sun Nov 11, 2018 4:33 am

johnsonraider wrote:Everyone people get sadness and happy moment in this age, don't feel bad.

This is life when you get happt and sad, few year ago you understand better as compare to this age, Most of people understand real time and some late This is normal.

Forget this guy start your new life with new friend, don't be negative. Still if you are feeling bad just go for journey and whatever you like to be happy.


Thank you johnsonraider, I definitely see what you’re saying. I’ll try and focus on myself for now, and spend lots of time with my friends :)
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Re: Does he love me? Help with an aspie’s love language!

Postby shock_the_monkey » Sun Nov 11, 2018 11:44 pm

nevislee wrote:
shock_the_monkey wrote:words are just that. we assume they have some sort of universal meaning. we like to think they might have some degree of permanence too.

life is a journey. we set of in hope. some of us end in despair. and none of us can be sure what fate has in store for us.

now, if you don't know what i mean, perhaps you'll realise why he doesn't know what love means either. it's not that simple. really, it's about faith.


Okay, this does help me a bit. More, I should feel love rather than hear him say it?
Thank you for putting in your two cents, especially with a situation like this, I bet it sounds trivial to a lot of people. I appreciate it!!
-nevislee

... aspies don't particularly like using words like love. they imply feelings, and feelings aren't something that aspies do well. you're looking for some sort of simplistic answer: 'yes' he does or 'no' he doesn't love you. but only you can find that out. so, the question here is: do you have enough faith that he might to find out for sure?
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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